My feet are too cold for the world outside these socks.

Part 1

Author's note: Hi! This is not a story and I don't expect it to make any sense. These are just thoughts that I decided would be better off out of my head. tw: there will be/could be mentions of depression, anxiety, suicide and rape, so please avoid this if you think it could trigger you.  

i made them collars because i love them and maybe theyll understand i want to protect them from the dragons outside and know that i would never tie them too tight so they can breathe. they have to breathe they have to be safe they have to be happy theyre the reason i wake up

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my feet are thin i think theyre breaking i cant get out of bed the impact will shatter them. i once saw a green cup made of glass break when the water touched it and my feet are too cold for the world outside these socks

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these eyes are too heavy i dont understand why does it hurt i dont think im bleeding. my neighbors dog is barking they want it to shut up but its scared and maybe he can hear my eyes melting into my skull. if i become a ghost we can be friends and run away to the seaside.

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  i really think that the best parts of me are the things i love and i am certain that i will never achieve anthing better than washing the dishes so my friend doesnt have to or drying my cats fur when shes been playing in the rain and i dont think anyone will ever do anything greater with themselves than making the choice to care for something  

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the candy my dad put in my backpack years ago was disgusting it made my teeth hurt it tasted like too much i could feel the red and white and chocolate in my tongue i never told him i gave it away to my friends. i cant taste anything now all candies taste the same and all the food is white and red and i dont like those colors is white even a color

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why do i only like myself in my sadness when i cant look at my reflection. depression is an illness but it helps because now i have an excuse because i dont want to go to school because i dont like people because the air is too hot and im suffocating. i wanted galaxies and glitter on the sun but maybe im just a failed poet and my galaxies twisted into math problems i cant solve i swear im trying but i dont want to keep pushing my mind is blank and i just want to go home. the glitter on the sun has settled on my skin and i think i like it but everyone says im weird

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someone is knocking on the door i wont go i wont go im sweating please dont make me go maybe the streets are flooding if the world is ending i think i want to stay in bed ill recite poetry to my cats and we can all go to sleep

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life is

beautiful but i think

i would like to pause it

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once upon a time there was a can of tuna in the kitchen. the ticks of the clock wont tell anyone and the fire on the stove is sworn to secrecy but i think they are all concerned because they wont leave me alone when other people are in the room . the tiles on the floor are vibrating and the light gets dimmer they promised they wouldnt say anything and maybe they wont and maybe i will. something awful has just happened in the kitchen

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the wind was blowing the dress was pink and cinderella never liked her hair in a bun anyway. i swear dresses look better without the dolls and i want to be a princess forever but i dont think princesses have any friends

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dont touch me dont touch me dont ever touch me again red is the worst color and its all over your skin i think some of it has tainted me and i dont want to ever see you in my house again

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this waterfall is so special i submerged my feet in the water and you said you would protect me i didnt know you were lying how was i supposed to know i was just a kid and the dog was barking and the sun was flowing in the stream there was no one there but us. i felt the earth beneath my feet and the wind was whispering something is changing and something was changing it was me and it was because of you.

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people at school say that magic doesnt exist but i think there is magic in the water im drinking because its entering my body and entering my sistem and now its part of my liver and part of my hair and part of my cells and it keeps me alive in this planet and they say magic is nothing but things we dont understand like thats a bad thing as if they dont know you have to love the unknown to discover it and i think thats magic

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