This is How it Feels: Personal Accounts of Mental Illness

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (@angelusanimi27)

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) can be crippling.

WebMD says GAD is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. In people with GAD, the worry is often unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear, and dread.

This disorder can range from being fairly mild to debilitating.

Living with this is no picnic. Just ask me. There is no on and off switch, and you can't just relax or get over it. When someone tells me that, it makes me want to scream. Trust me, I wish it were that easy. A day where being able to put my feet up and not have a worry in the world is a dream of mine.

I've dealt with GAD for as long as I can remember. Daily struggles of feeling randomly on edge, constant worrying, even becoming so nervous to where I shake is exhausting. I can be sitting on my couch watching television and all of a sudden my nerves go into overdrive. It sucks. Something as simple as daily plans not going right can rile my nerves.

Sometimes when lying in bed at night, that tingling sensation creeps up my entire body. Explaining it is extremely difficult. The best I can word it is my heart wanting to fly from my chest, tingling limbs and rising of body temperature. All I do is wait it out.

My mother also suffers from anxiety and she's had panic attacks in the past. Luckily my case isn't severe like hers...yet. Hopefully it won't get worse as I age. She and I do share the experience of having attacks. I've had what's classified as an anxiety attack along with a panic attack.

At first, I thought something serious was happening inside my body. Both hands and feet felt tingly and stayed that way for hours. During the first attack, the sensation remained for almost a full day before deciding to go to the local ER. I figured whatever it was would go away on its own. After being driven to the hospital thanks to my fiancé, they checked me in, hooked me up to an EKG and diagnosed a panic attack. Once my heart rate fell within normal range I got discharged.

I however, didn't buy that since tingling in your limbs doesn't fall into the cliché version of panic attacks. I associated them as having trouble breathing and essentially hyperventilating; what they display on movies and television shows. Learning the doctor was in fact correct surprised me.

It also prepared me for the next attack, unknowingly popping up a couple years later.

Not so afraid this time around, I had my fiancé bring me once again to the hospital. The doctor diagnosed it as an anxiety attack. Everything else health wise turned out fine thank goodness. After having me take a sedative and stay shortly for general observation, I went back home.

Not trying to drag on too much, I just wanted people to know they aren't alone. You don't have to suffer in silence. Reach out to family, friends, even your physician. Talk to me even. This disorder can be scary, but there are ways to help manage it. Your doctor can explain that further. You could also try taking walks, yoga, meditation, even exercise.

I hope my story can help shed light on anxiety. This needs to be more widely discussed. Mental health in general is a sensitive topic and needs to stop being a stigma in today's society. Illnesses and/or disorders don't always have to be in physical form. Just because you can't see it doesn't make it nonexistent.