Ace and I (Asa Butterfield)

Violet

*Journal entry*

10.16.19

Hey Journal, it's me again. Bad day today. I ruined my record. I was clean for a WEEK! But, I cut yesterday. The images all came flooding back since- you know.

Being the oldest of 6, you would think I'd get a bit of attention? Nope.

Well Journal, actually, I'm gonna call you Lily. Just so you have a name. Well Lily, I'm tired and I'm going to a painting class tomorrow. Goodnight Lily.

Violet

I woke up at 10 O'clock in the morning on Saturday to the sound of squealing. I slumped out of bed groggily and looked down the spiraling staircase. There was my mom flipping shit because my little sister Rae won yet another pageant. I have 4 other siblings, May, Georgia, Lucy, and Trent, all younger than me. But Rae is obviously their favorite. Me being the oldest, they sorta forgot about me after Georgia was born. I looked down the stairs and my mom snapped at me, "Vi, congratulate Rae! She just won Ultimate Grand Supreme!"

"Congrats." I said, sarcastically.

"Hey, I don't see you winning anything special!" my mom replied bitterly, fixing Rae's hairpiece.

"I can't see her winning anything!" my dad cut in. They all laughed. My mom started in,

"Why don't you go back to your room, you little introvert.". I slowly walked back into my room and sat on the creaky old spring bed. That's when the tears came. The realization that no one wants me and no one ever will. I'm not being hard on myself, my parents have actually said those words to me. Their words echoed through my head. I set my head in my hands and let out a soft sob. I thought about how much of an outcast I am.

"No, stop it. You are stronger than this. " I thought to myself. but my feelings took over my thoughts. I'm not stronger than that. I went to my door, locked it (not that anyone would come in), went to the 3rd drawer at my desk. I opened it and took out out my green make up case. Out of there, I took my compact mirror. There, lay my weakness. A razor. My razor. My fingers trembled as I picked it up. I wiped the tears and looked in the mirror. I felt and looked terrible. With a quick lash, I whip the razor across my wrist. I feel my skin pinch and watch the droplets of blood form. the blood drips to my maroon carpet.

I threw on some decent clothes and dragged myself downstairs. I stood there wondering how I would entertain myself today. you see, I don't have many friends, well... actually I don't have a single friend. Besides the cleaning lady. I decided I should go for a walk.

I made my way down the block into the woods. well, its actually an old nature preserve outside my neighborhood. I loved taking walks there. Nobody usually comes to this place. That's why I like it. But today was different. There was a boy here. He sat under a rotting pear tree, my favorite place to sit to watch the sunset. He had a sketch pad and every once in a while he would scribble something down. I just tried to ignore him. As I walked, my mind wandered. Do cats have a gag reflex? How do you throw away a garbage can? what if my parents paid for my own apartment ? Nah, I'm only 15.

I realized it was getting dark, so I turned around to head home. on my way back, I noticed a tree, no leaves, very tall. it looked like a tree in a scary movie. I went and stood under it. I patted the trunk and said

"I'm gonna call you... Daisy," I said smiling. "Well Daisy, I'm Violet. I have a feeling we'll be good friends this summer." I heard a scoff behind me. I turned around, startled to see a kid about my age. it was the one under the tree.

"Were you just talking to a tree?"

"Yeah..." I said trying to sound confident, but on the inside I was panicking. Let's just say, I'm not a people person. But I always try to make friends. I stood there awkwardly, then walked on my way. As I entered the house, the strong smell of cleaning supplies filled my nostrils. The cleaning ladies were here. Mrs. Montoyez is my favorite. I pour my heart out to her, because she barely knows English. I wipe my feet on the carpet, and see the utterly bitter, Ms. Gonzales.

"Shoes off. No in house. " she said. I scowled at her and didn't bother listening. I ran right upstairs to prepare for my painting class tomorrow.