As I said I was 13, I was very emo/punk all I ever wanted was to have 4 million tattoos and piercings I never liked school I never had any friends I didn't have family and I didn't have a hobby all I did was lock myself in bathrooms and find any sort of sharp weapon to destroy my body with. I didn't really get noticed by anyone in the care home and no one talked to me...looking back now i wish I had made some sort of interest.
But one day my care worker came in to "talk" to me, this rarely happened so I was surprised by this event. My care worker was a large Asian women with beautiful long wavy hair almost reaching her bum she was a lovely lady (name was sue) she never forced me into anything she always let me go at my own pace. I was always delighted to see her, anyway I entered the "meeting room" where all serious business happens and there she was waiting patiently. I gracefully walked in and took a seat on a big green chair (my favourite colour) I didn't make any eye contact as I just sat there confused about what was happening.
"Winston, I've noticed that your school work is dropping, now why might that be?"
"Erm, I have been finding school hard recently"
The truth was that I just didn't give a shit but I can't exactly say that
"Well that can all be helped...*smiles*"
I was confused by this comment as I had no idea what she meant, was she getting me a tutor?
"Excuse me?"
"Winston there's a couple that have shown a great amount of interest in you and would like to meet you,if that's okay with you?"
I had only been in care for 2 years and I'd been chosen already? other kids had been there for over 10 years and no one ever wanted them,so why me,why was I the one,I'm no one special.
I replied with a single sigh
"What's wrong, I thought you'd be over the moon"
"It's just I know the routine,they want you then they meet you and pretend your wonderful and behind your back tell the care worker that after all they don't want me and I never hear from them again"
"Winston...they are the happiest couple I've meet in years the only thing they want now is a kid if there own."
I was baffled by this,if they want kids then why don't they just have sex
"So why don't they make one of there own"
"Hahaha they can't do that...I don't know how you feel about this but they are a gay couple"
*Silence*
I look up from the floor and dead into her eyes
"I-I...think I need to think about it"
I stomped out and ran up the old wooden stairs.i finally entered my room and slammed the door I paced around my room making it clear to everyone else in the house that I was extremely mad
I'm not against LGBT or anything but I've always had a voice in my head saying that I liked boys I'd never come to terms with it I'd never thought about it but it's always been there it contributes to the fact of why I cut myself, whenever I think dirty thoughts about me and another boy I punish myself , it's how i was brought up. I remember when my mum dad and my 2 older brothers were watching tv and a gay couple came on my dad started to chant cuss words and called them a disgrace to society my brothers laughed and my mum said they were faggots (I was 6 years old) I still remember it vividly.
After about 7 minutes of me huffing and puffing I decided that I had over reacted. I went back down and apologised to sue and sat on the green chair again
"It's okay to be shocked by that but please don't be afraid,they can still love you"
"I know and I would love to meet them"
"Oh okay yeah I'll call them now shall I?"
My face lit up
I felt very impatient I just wanted to hear their voices, after 4 buzzing sounds someone picked up, Sue put it on speaker so I could hear everything
"Hello?" A man said
"Yeah em hello it's Sue Parker, Winston booth's care worker I wa..."
She got interrupted by the man on the phone who sounded ecstatic
"Did he say yes ?"
"Haha yes he did, he can't wait to meet you and your partner, would you be free tomorrow?"
"YES YES YES is 2 okay ?"
"Yes okay we'll see you tomorrow then"
Just before she hung up I slightly heard him scream a little then sue hung up
"So tomorrow then, huh?"
"Yes now don't feel pressured just be normal"
I don't exactly do normal but I will try
"Okay sue and thank you so much"
I stood and gave her a massive hug and then skipped out of the "meeting room"
It was about 6:30 by then and that was the time when all the kids got together to eat our dinner so I made my way into the dining room. It was a pale yellow colour with cartoon pictures of food covering real food stains on the wall. there was about 6 other kids in my home I considered it to be a small care home which I definitely liked as I was one of the eldest. On that day we had chicken burgers with salad I hardly ate any as I just wanted it to be the next day so could meet my future
I had about 5 bites then dismissed myself from the dirty table and headed upstairs and went straight to my tiny bed covered in unwashed clothes. that night all I could think about was them. How did they dress?how tall were they?were they camp?did they have a house together?would they kiss in front of me? Eventually of asking myself questions I didn't have answers to I fell asleep...
