He hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. Not since he saw her that day, even if it was just a glimpse. He looked at the clock. It was 4AM. He hadn't slept, spending the whole night remembering every exact little detail of her face. He slipped out of bed and grabbed his coat. He tip toed out of the house so he wouldn't wake anyone. He grabbed a key and locked the door. He'd be back before anyone was up. He wondered what they were going to do about the Rapmon and Suga situation, but right now that didn't really seem to matter. Although it was dictating how he lived his life. He just wanted to see her one more time. He jumped on a bus and sat restlessly. He kept readjusting himself, fiddling with his jacket, tapping his foot, rapping his fingers. He was nervous and he wasn't sure what he was going to do once he got there. The bus slowed to a halt. Guess he would find out.
He slipped in the hospital. No one was there except for a snoring nurse at the front desk. He went behind the desk, careful not to wake her up and found her room number. He went to her room as quickly and as quietly as he could. He opened the door and closed it. She was sleeping, perfectly. Her dark hair was splayed across the white pillow and the monitors around her beeped softly. He padded over to the bed and around to where he could see her face. She was facing away from the door. Her face was pale and her eyes darted behind her eyelids. He reached out and touched her hand. He pulled his fingers back sharply. He didn't want to wake her. What would he say if she woke up? Would he just leave? Maybe she wouldn't wake up. She was a heavy sleeper. He carefully, with painstaking slowness, lifted her hand off the mattress and held it in his hand loosely. She murmured slightly and he froze. He slowly began to move his hand from hers, but she was still again. He relaxed and continued to hold her hand for a moment. Before she spoke.
"I knew you'd come back." She murmured without opening her eyes. He stiffened again, but he didn't have the will to move.
"I saw you that day. But you left. So I don't know if I really saw you. But Eunsuh did. She's not lying, she can't be lying." Her voice betrayed the doubt cut deep into her mind. He said nothing. He wasn't supposed to be here, he wasn't supposed to put her in any more danger. But he couldn't find it in himself to leave.
"I can't tell what's real anymore." She sighed in defeat.
"The medicine makes me see things. I don't want to take it anymore. I can't tell dreams from reality. And I've kind of stopped caring which is which. The dreams are so nice, they're so happy. But maybe the dreams aren't dreams and everything around me is really just nice. I can't tell. It's frustrating because I don't know if anyone is really saying and doing what I think they're doing. I can't even tell with myself. You know I can't walk anymore?" She mumbled. He felt a hot, yet icy sliver of glass shoot through his chest. She looked so beautiful, the way she was positioned, they way the light hit her. The way her weak muscles moves beneath her pale skin. But pain was so clearly etched into her body. He couldn't bear to look and he couldn't help but feel responsible. He looked away and tears squeezed out of his eyes.
"I'm so afraid to open my eyes. Because I can see you so clearly, holding my hand, smiling. But I know my eyes are closed. I see you all the time. That's why I wasn't sure if I really saw you. You're everywhere. When my dad is pushing my wheelchair sometimes I look back and it's you. Sometimes a doctor that's checking up on me is you. But you look so real. You're hand feels so real. I don't want it to be a dream, but if it is...I don't want it to end." Her hand began to tremble in his, and her voice was small and full of tears. He gulped and looked back at her. She was trembling and her face was screwed up in pain. He mustered as much courage as he could and he kissed her forehead, as lightly as he could, like something barely there. Then, in the biggest voice he could manage, which was small and softer than a whisper, he murmured,
"It's just a dream."
He removed his hands from hers and she began to tremble and sob. Still, she didn't open her eyes. He pressed the red button to call the nurse and left. Left her alone and sobbing, but safe. He clenched his fists and held on to the fact that she was safe and no one could hurt her. Except him. He took a shaky breath and trudged on a bus.
And he left.
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(A/N)
I almost forgot an authors note. Back bbys
