You let this happen.

A kiss to melt into, something that's easy going and passionate and loving. It all fades to white, and you're left standing there. In the hollows of what it once was. You see her there, standing in her red coat. A subtle cough into her sleeve, and she looks up at you. Tears, the angry kind, come running out of her eyes and out of the frames of her glasses.
"I thought you changed, I thought  you were on my side." A cough turns into a rattle of her chest, and she's spasming. You run to her, and it feels like eternity because you can't reach her and she's fading and you have to get to her and tell her you were wrong and you need to plead for forgiveness one last time because you can't lose her again and you close your hand over thin air. The air that was just so full of life a couple of months ago. You and her are drinking wine, talking about your crazy science and how life was and how to get through each day with each other, and you're melting in her presence because never did talking to someone else feel so good.

Red. She's red now. You let that happen to her. You let her cough and cough and blood is everywhere and it seeps through your skin and into you heart and you scream because she's everywhere where she said she'd love but she's gone and it hurts and you scream because you're alone. You're alone. And you feel slime creeping into your skin again, that creep. He'd never love you like she would. His game was power and stepping stones, her game was love. It was never a game, and if it was, it always melded into your bodies. It twisted between both of you and was gone by the morning. But not the last time, the time she left angry and hurt and you did that. You let her believe that because you thought you could save her but you couldn't and she's gone. You reach for her, but the bottle of whisky is closer, so you close your hand around that instead. But it's her hand, and suddenly you're both running through the arches, a thrill of unknowing. The next second, everything happens. You feel all the love and anger and hurt and betrayal all at once and it's too much so you throw her hand out of your grasp and the bottle shatters. In each shard is what was your life. Now that she's gone, anyone trying to fix your life will get cut.

It's not something you wanted. You wanted so much with her and you don't even know if she wanted all these things running through your head but you did! You did and now you'll never know because she's gone in the worst way. Gone in anger, and she's never coming back. Never never never never never and you'll always always always always always need her and you'll always feel her and see her and hear her and it's too much.

And she's back. It's nice to meet her.