The Impossible

4

Eggsy can't bear to be near Harry, however much it hurts.

He tells himself it's because he's still in shock, too raw from the events of Valentine's Day, so he takes back-to-back op after back-to-back op. Venice. Mozambique. Berlin. Krakow. Buenos Aires. Merlin doesn't ask why, why the sudden urge to work harder than ever, catching the bad guys and stopping their evil plans. But maybe the tech wizard understands that right now, Eggsy needs an outlet- and saving the world is that outlet.

Another new routine is adopted, but it's more erratic and less planned. Ask about Harry, do the op, save the world, think about seeing Harry, hang around HQ, argue with Rob, Rox and Merlin about seeing Harry, go home/stay the night at HQ, think about Harry. All in no particular order.

When he does rotate home, Eggsy tries to work up the courage to go and see the living dead man. He waits outside the infirmary for hours, knotting his hands together, trying to fogure out what he'll say when he walks through that door.

"Hey Harry, sorry I haven't visited, been too busy coming to terms with thst fact you're alive!"

Funny, isn't it? That Eggsy can let it all out every night to Harry's voicemail box on the older man's still-MIA phone, but he can't string a sentence together for shit in person.
Soon, he tells himself.

But soon isn't coming quickly enough.
----~----

I forgot the sound of ya voice yesterday night. For a whole hour. It near fuckin' killed me. I spent ages trying t' remember the things ya said t' me, even what ya said when ya rocked up last week. But it don' sound right. I tried, I tried to fuckin' hard...

I wanna come and see ya 'Arry. It's killin' me stayin' so far away. I just wanna be near ya, see tha' ya alright.

But I can't. 'Cos I'm scared, I'm scared tha' this is all too good t' be true. I'm scared of if I look in ya eyes, I dunno what I'm gonna find.

I dunno if you, the man I love, are gonna recognise me. An' it's breakin' my 'eart.

This is all my fault.

----~----

Harry's been asking for him, Merlin tells him a week later. "Eggsy," is one if the first words out of his mouth in the moments of bumbling coherence, when Harry remembers everything, not just up to June 13, 1996. But yeah, Eggsy's got no idea what to say. And even if he did plan something, he'd probably forget it the second he walked through the infirmary doors.

Don't think he doesn't care. Of course he fucking does. He asks after Harry daily when he speaks to Morgana and Morgause, and every day they tell him the same, heartbreaking two words. "No change". Because Harry's been living in the HQ infirmary for almost 3 weeks now, and there's still no word on him making a full recovery, because the man doesn't even remember what happened in the last year.

He's doing physio for the wobbles in his limbs when he's 'Current Harry' as Merlin calls it, speech therapy for the gaps between syllables when he speaks. 90's Harry, who appears at any given time, walks fine, speaks fine- but doesn't remember anything from the last 19 years. 90's Harry doesn't remember Eggsy. And Eggsy's shit-scared that eventually when he does visit, it'll be 90s Harry who's there.

So he avoids Harry Hart at all costs. But he watches his physio sessions in the gymnasium. Listens to his speech when he hobbles through the halls, guided by a patient Healer. Always close by, always caring and wondering and wishing, but always out of sight.

Out of sight, because the guilt bubbling inside his gut clouds his better judgement.

----~----

"You should go and visit Harry, Eggsy," Roxy tells him when they're slumped on her leather sofa at 4am, fresh off a flight from Ukraine. Eggsy's Mum has JB right now, and he doesn't want to go back to Harry's empty townhouse or his own silent apartment alone right now. So he'll crash here- Roxy has a spare room.