My Sisters in Death (Siren Suicides, Book 2)

Chapter 13. Stolen Boat

I let go. I weep rivers, bawling, sobbing, and smearing snot and tears all over my face with my sleeves. All sixteen years of my pain propel outward, every instance of ache turns into a moan. They ring loudly in the night and ooze upward into the sky, tracing its velvety darkness with impossible hurt. I blink and rub my eyes. There it is; I can almost see it, our sweet apparition. If you could imagine a strong feeling having solid flesh, this is it: a nearly visible thickness of a magnetic field. It hangs in the air between us, our stupid teenage love, the perfect fantasy projected through rose-colored glasses. Vision by vision, dream by dream, it snowballs into a thing that I can almost touch with my hands. It gains strength, growing fast. Now, it covers us both. Hush! It takes us in fully, and we both know it.

I look at Hunter but don't see him. He's simply a black, blurry outline against an equally black night that's gently lit by moonlight. I listen to his soul. It has changed its tune and is burning again. Not just burning, it's wild with fire, crackling, spitting out scattered notes, bristling with a cacophony of tunes. Jumbled and crazy. No, it can't be, no-no-no-no!!! His outline shimmers; he shrieks briefly and then falls quiet. I'm enthralled and can't move. Warmth trickles out of his melody leaving behind a focused precision, like that from a skilled violinist who can deliver but can't feel, dispassionate, yet forever present. It's the end, the closing concerto movement. A faint trace of fumes escapes Hunter's lips as he breathes out. Then, even that sound is gone. Pfft! It evaporates, and silence settles over us.

Absolute silence.

Goose bumps raise the hairs on my skin, and my muscles tingle.

"NO!!!" I scream, taking a step, but my strength gives out and I stumble, falling on my knees into the pebbles.

"No!" I repeat. "No, you didn't. No, tell me, please, you didn't. Oh, what did I do, what did I do..." I rock back and forth, pinned into nothingness, afraid to look up.

"Man, that hurt!" Pause. "This feels weird. I'm not cold anymore," Hunter says, and I hear him cracking his knuckles. "I think I actually like it, that's what it's supposed to feel like? Fuck, this is cool."

I want to tear out my hair. I completed his transformation, instead of reversing it. Great job, Ailen, always thinking about yourself, how about it? He's a fully fledged siren hunter, right there, look! Standing in front of you. I lower my head even further.

"Come on, get up, no use crying." His voice sounds metallic in the absence of his soul. No wondering what happened to him, no freaking out, no comment, nothing.

Astounded, I find my voice again. "Do you know what just happened? I turned you...I was afraid of that. I'm sorry, I just wanted to see you one last time, to explain to you..."

He hoists me up and I stand, swaying. There is a coldness in his eyes, so close to mine, and yet so distant.

"I really only wa—"

He puts a finger across my lips and presses gently. I swallow and fall silent.

"I love you, too. I always have, but you didn't hear me, did you, turkey?" he says. "You know it now, don't you? You have your proof. Listen to this." He guides my head down, so that my ear slides across the rough cotton of his sweatshirt and stops directly over the middle of his chest. There is not a sound except the beating of his heart. "Happy?"

I sniff loudly, smiling despite myself.

"I don't know." I say it and I mean it, yet some of the pain leaves me. "At least we're clear who is who, and why." I say into his shirt and then raise my head.

"Yeah, you got that right," he says. It sounds automatic. He traces my chin with his fingers. They are cold.

I can barely discern the color of his eyes in the darkness, but I know they're blue, and I search for hunger within me, to see where it went after Hunter's soul burned to the ground. To my horror, I find that it has transformed. It's worse and stronger now, like a chronic pain that flares up the closer I stand to him, yet I won't ever be able to satisfy it, because there is nothing to satisfy it with. His soul is gone. The very thing I crave, I'm cursed to desire forever. This is the horror Canosa spoke to me about, this is what she tried to shield me from. Now, I understand her wish; there is no worse pain in this world. It doesn't compare to anything physical, it's psychic. It's like going mad and knowing you're going mad, but never quite leaving sanity, always balancing on the precipice, and never falling.