Sanity Siphoned

Ch23: Emotion Remembered

Chapter 23

Julienne and Nick were sitting around the living room working on their homework, or at least she was. Nick liked to leave his homework and studying for the last minute so he could freak out more and ace the test. He sat beside her on the couch and started touching her hair. "You should let me add some colors to it."

"Miss the mohawk huh?" she commented absently as she wrote down questions from her study book.

"My parents made me agree I wouldn't grow it back for a year. They live to torture me and my creativity. I think my dad's scared I'm gay. You don't have to be gay to like loud colors and piercings." He said with a slight edge to his voice.

"No it just means you might like pain." She glanced up at his brow and lip piercing, she was sure he had others not visible to the public eye. "If it makes you feel better you can live vicariously through my hair."

"You're the best. Come home with me tomorrow, it's time my folks meet you any way before they start thinking you're make believe." He suggested while he kept playing with her hair.

With zero effort the cruel memory played inside her mind. "You know there was this time Michael was over with his mom. My hair kept going in my face and all of a sudden he disappears and comes back with a brush. He braided my hair."

Nick noticed how her face twisted into sorrow and regret. "It's ok." He wrapped his arm around her. "It's ok to realize it wasn't all bad. It's ok to miss him Jules."

"No!" she shrugged off his arm and ignored the tears forming. "I do not miss him. What the hell would I miss? How he used me or how he coldly always reminded me I wasn't good enough?"

"It's only going to hurt you if you try and hold on to hating him. This isn't moving on, this isn't coping." He tried to explain.

"I…." her shoulders slumped and her tears fell. "It's all I have. I don't know how to shake the hold he has on me. I'm trying so damn hard but I'm barely going an hour without talking or thinking about him in some way."

Nick pulled her into a hug and whispered what he hoped were reassuring phrases of hope. Minutes later her mother arrived home and asked, "What happened?"

Julienne hated how scared her mother sounded. She sat up and frowned dramatically, her hand clutching onto her best friend. "Nick wants to put green stripes in my hair."

"Oh." Ellen Teller sighed with relief even if she didn't completely buy the story. "Well consider blue, she likes blue." With that she carried the grocery bags to the kitchen.

Julienne laughed as she rested her head back on Nick's shoulder. "I'm glad she isn't trying to keep us apart anymore." After her mother found out about Nick joining her in Florida there was no more doubt about his positive intentions and how he helped her. "Let's finish this before we both end up failing."

IIII

Michael laid in bed that night staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't remember the last time got a good night of sleep. Tonight he was running different ideas through his head, ways to talk to Julienne, hoping the perfect one struck. She was getting better and better at avoiding him and when they were forced to talk she plastered a haunting smile that made him feel sick. There was a lot of pain and regret laced in that smile and it was all his fault.

It couldn't end this way, that he was sure of. There was something between them and that something wasn't easily created or forgotten. There was still hope, he had to believe that.

It was time to make a move.

That morning at school he knew her second period was free and she'd be in the library reading. This was it. He was nervous as he walked toward her table. It wasn't a feeling he was used to. He was always the cool and collected guy with the I-don't-care-attitude, this was just one of the ways Julienne Teller knocked his world off balance.

She didn't notice him until he sat at her table. She lowered the book from her face and a scowl overtook her expression. She didn't hide behind her book or try to ignore that he was there. This new Julienne was strong and he glad to see it. She was more like the girl he used to only catch glimpses of when they were together.

"Please just listen." Michael began before she tried to send him away. "I know I'm the last person you want to talk to but you know this isn't resolved, not by a long shot. We do need to talk because there's too much still unsaid. Just give me ten minutes of your time with no one else around and I'll never bother you again." He begged. A year ago he wouldn't beg to save his life and now here he was begging her to listen and soon a lot more.

The inner battle flashed along her grey eyes, she clenched her book tight and forced herself to address the subject. "I don't trust being alone with you."

That Michael could understand. She was furious at him, probably even hated him but the spark was still there roaring stronger then ever. He wasn't sure if he could resist either if they were alone. He needed to put all his cards on the table, they needed to be completely honest if they were ever going to work through their past. He hoped and prayed more then anything he could get her to forgive him. "I just want to talk to you. I swear nothing more."

"Why?" her eyes glossed as she turned her attention to something over his shoulder. "Why can't you just leave well alone and go back to life before we ever met?"

"Because," Frustrated and in need of giving her and himself an ounce of comfort he grabbed her hands and waited until she looked at him again to speak. "Because I'm in love with you."