5SOS Preferences/Imagines

Depression/Self-harm-Ashton

A/N: Ashton's 21 in this and Y/N is 18 (a senior at school)

You lay in your bed staring up at the ceiling with a blank look as unshed tears blurred your vision and burned your eyes. Why did I ever think this would work? You thought to yourself. You'd given Ashton and your relationship a chance because you loved him so much, but the hate was starting to get to you, bringing back the all too familiar feeling of depression and self-hate.

The fans are right you thought as you scrolled through your Twitter, reading the harsh words. I don't deserve Ashton. Why would he ever love someone like me? You thought bitterly. You got up and walked into the bathroom, wiping away the tears that had fallen. You stared at your reflection in the mirror.

I hate my hair. Why can't mt eyes be nicer? I hate my nose. Why can't mt face be prettier? Thoughts like these raced through your mind. Then a thought popped into your head. Well, it didn't exactly pop into your head, it had been there for a while, sitting at the back of your mind for months as you had slowly fallen into depression, especially with Ash on tour and all the hate suddenly becoming more. Cutting.

You hadn't done it since your younger years. Not once after you had met Ashton and slowly began to fall in love with him. No. I can't do it. For Ash. You thought. But he'll never know, he won't be back from tour for a week. A voice in the back of your mind said. And besides, do you really think he loves you of all people? How could be love someone as pathetic and weak as you? It said. And you agreed.

You slowly reached for the cabinet above the sink, your hand trembling. You opened it and got out a razor and broke it, exposing the sharp blade. You held the blade between your fingers and brought your wrist up into view. You took a deep breath before digging the blade into yoyr skin and pulling it along. For being so stupid. You wincee in pain bit kept going, gritting your teeth. Another, for being fat. Another, for being ugly. Another for being so naïve, how could you possibly think Ashton would love you? And as you were about to make the fifth cut you heard the unmistakable sound of the door opening, breaking the silence of the apartment you shared with Ashton.

Panic struck you as you heard Ashton's voice. "Y/N, Im home early babe! I missed you so much" you heard his footsteps get closer and closer to the bathroom. You frantically cleaned up the pool of blood that had gathered at your feet. Please don't come in here you silently begged. "Y/N?" He called, just a few steps away from funding you. Oh god oh god what do I do? He can't find me like this...

And then you heard a gasp as Ashton walked into the doorway of the bathroom. "Y/N, no, no, no, no. What-why?" He asked as he rushed to your side on the floor, ignoring the pool of blood he was sitting in. "I-I'm sorry Ashton..." You stuttered, looking down. He pulled your head up gently so you were looking into his eyes. "Don be sorry, it's okay...shh, it's okay..." he said as he pulled on your bleeding arm gently. "Shh" he hushed you again as a sob racked your body. You looked at him and noticed tears falling down his beautiful face. Thats my fault you couldn't help but think.

"When did this start?" He asked once he was done bandaging your arm. "This is the first time since I met you" you admitted. "Why Y/N?" He asked quietly as a tear rolled down his cheek. "The hate and school and you being gone...I just-couldn't handle it anymore...And I've been depressed. I'm just so sorry" you admitted before resting your head on his shoulder as you cried.

"No Y/N, don't be sorry...It's a natural thing to get depressed, especially when you have things like finals and all that hate...I'm the one who's sorry, I should've noticed sooner..." he said, looking down guiltily. "Ash...It's not your job to do that..." You said. "Yes it is Y/N...I'm sorry I didnt notice sooner, but I'll help you with this every step of the way, okay love?" He asked with a sweet smile. "Okay" you nodded, smiling slightly. "I love you Ashton" you said. "I love you too Y/N" he said before placing a kiss on your lips.