30 Days Without Him

Day 25

Ryan snatched the paper from my hand yesterday... for one minute I was terrified that he would read the content of the paper. But he just snatched it and tossed it aside. He probably thought it was some meaningless Philosophy notes.

I asked him what the hell was his problem. And it turns out that he was mad at me. Actually, he was beyond pissed. If his madness wasn't directed at me I would have thought it was quite entertaining. But it was directed at me, at let me tell you: it wasn't all that funny. I really  hated that he was mad at me.

I had never seen somebody so furious (well.. except for that one time when I dropped ice cream on your favorite hoodie...).

What the hell is my problem? How about what the hell is your problem? he yelled at me. I was really confused. Sure I was ignoring him, but I had done it before so there really wasn't any reason for him to be that mad.

Turns out he was mad that I ignored him after he had opened up to me and said things he had never said before. I was really being an ass (this part is mine). I mean, I was so built up with my problems and my thoughts and my confusion that I never even stopped to think about him.

He had told me some pretty private things about himself, and I completely dismissed it as if it were nothing. After yelling at me, to which I didn't answer because I was wrapped in my thoughts, he walked away.

And I hadn't seen him since. The guilt was really killing me. I needed to talk to him.

So, today I skipped my last class (in case he left earlier) and went to wait by his car. After about 50 minutes (I seriously believe he owes me one for waiting that long) he finally appeared.

I had already a whole speech planned out onto how to apologize. But when he appeared he wasn't alone. I would love to tell you that he was with one of his mates, but instead he was with one on the sluts in our school. And she was all clingy and touchy with him.

That sight made me sick and Ryan and I locked gazes for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality must have been a second. Before he got a chance to say something I walked away.

I know I have no right to be mad at him. I was the wrong one in this story. But how could he be so caring and understanding towards me, open up to me, and then go around with sluts?

Sure, he told me he was only helping me out as a friend. But then why do I feel so betrayed and worthless?