P A P E R D R E A M S
What is life? A frenzy.
What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a fiction
And the greatest good is of slight worth
As all life is a dream
And dreams are dreams…
(Pedro Calderon de la Barca – 1600-1681)
***
THE PROLOGUE
September 1952
Gerald Hapsworth-Cole’s heart lurched as the huge ship’s siren reminded him that Amy’s departure was imminent. ‘How can I let her go?’ he asked himself. But deep down, he knew that there was nothing he could do or say that would make her change her mind, but he had to try. Feeling frantic, he reached out to embrace the woman standing by his side.
‘Amy, my dearest Amy, what am I going to do now? I love you so much and I just can’t envisage a life without you.’
‘Gerald honey, it’s no use, can’t you see? I have to go home to Vancouver. We’ve been over everything again and again. What choice do we have?’
He looked blankly at her, momentarily lost for words. The inevitability of it all made him feel impotent. He searched her face for hope, but there was none, except for the gathering of tears in the corners of her eyes that threatened to engulf her.
Amy Butler was making the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of his family.
A lump appeared in his throat making it difficult for him to speak. ‘My darling Amy,’ he said in sheer desperation, ‘I can’t…I just can’t believe what I’ve…I’ve done to you and how can I possibly let you go now?’ He hadn’t felt quite so emotional since the day his father had died and coupled with the fact that she now looked more beautiful than ever, made the moment of her departure even more poignant. She looked pale and fragile, just like a porcelain doll and he tightened his grip on her.
‘My dearest, you must know that we really have no choice,’ she said as unrestrained tears now rolled down her cheeks. ‘Just think what would happen if your wife and sons found out about us: it would destroy them all. You must see that it is all…so impossible. I will def…’
A loudspeaker cruelly interrupted their final moments together and obliterated what she was saying. The preparations for the huge liner to get under way had been completed. There was an air of excited tension as people began to walk up the ramp and on to the ship that would be taking them across the Atlantic and away from their families and friends.
‘Honey, I’ll be waving my yellow handkerchief so look out for it and I promise that I will write to you as soon as I reach home.’
‘But Amy, it’s not too late to work something out.’
‘No Gerald, there really is nothing else we can do, can’t you see? I have to go. Goodbye my dearest,’ she said kissing him on the lips. ‘Always remember, even in your deepest and darkest moments, that I love you and that will be the link between us.’
She broke away from him…and was gone.
Gerald was left with an empty void between his arms, loving Amy, wanting her, his whole being crying out for her. He had to stop himself from running after her, but even as his heart cried out in pain, he knew that he had to let her go. He watched her in sorrowful silence as she ran up the gangway before disappearing from his view. After what seemed an age, the huge liner pulled away from the quayside. Panic began to overtake him as he frantically searched for Amy amongst the passengers leaning over the ship’s railings. Then he saw her. She was waving her yellow handkerchief and he waved back putting on a brave face, but inside his heart was breaking. He watched the vessel as it gradually pointed itself in the direction of the open sea. “Come back…come back…please come back,” he wailed inwardly but he knew it was useless: his beloved Amy had gone.
He continued to watch as the ship grew smaller and smaller until finally he saw a faint plume of smoke drifting into the sky, before the ship disappeared over the horizon.
He looked upwards. The sky was leaden and everything and everyone around him seemed as miserable as he was. The puddles under his feet were a testament to the fact that it had been raining hard for some time and he hadn’t even noticed. He pulled up his coat collar and shoved his hands into his pockets. His heart sank. Lying at the bottom of one of them was a small box containing his farewell present for her. It was a diamond solitaire ring and a symbol of his enduring love for her. How could he have forgotten to give it to her, he asked himself? With a huge sigh, he pulled his sodden grey trilby hat further down on to his head, turned and walked sadly back to his car.
