Before the Rockstar {prequel to TRS&TNG}

• prologue •

{Before the Rockstar}

*Four years later*

•Prologue•

There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes it's impossible to fix them.

My whole life I had been happy, my childhood was probably close to being an exemplary childhood. So much so, that I could've considered to be one of the lucky few to say that my life was pretty close to perfect. I have great parents who loved and supported me in whatever adventure I'd encounter. My brother and I got a long just fine--more then fine actually, he was my best friend. I could've considered myself to have had a lot of friends, I had good grades, I was president of the art and photography club, I had perfect attendance and most importantly... I was happy. Above all, I use to love my self; I use to love who I was.

Yeah, my life was perfect. Everything before moving here was perfect. Now, my life is a living hell, sometimes I can't decide wether I've missed a month of school or I've just been absent in my mind. I'm living and dying at the same time; I've never thought that was even possible. My friends have all turned their backs on me, my best friend--my brother can't even look at me. My parents, they always have this look, this expression on their face every time they open the door and find me still breathing. And myself... Well I've lost myself along the way. I'm drowning all on my own and I can't seem to grab on to the hands that are trying to save me, they're slipping away so quickly. Their voices are becoming more distant by the day.

I've heard stories of people going through this and never once thought it could happen to me. No amount of experience, can prepare you for this. It just hits you like a train and you just have to go with it. You have to take it by the horns and deal with it. I think a lot about the past, mostly because if I don't, I'm afraid that I won't see the light at the end of the tunnel, which dims a little more everyday. I won't lie and say I was expecting it or say I'm not afraid because I'd be lying. I'm terrified. I use to live in a life full of light and happiness, I use to be optimistic and funny. I used to put my make up on and dress myself up. I use to call my friends every other day, text them constantly and joke around with everybody. I use to look in the mirror and feel like the person starring back at me was someone  who could become somebody one day. Someone who I thought I'd be able to love. I use to be the light in this dark world...

Now I'm just struggling to remember who I was and what the meaning of happiness is. I now know why so many people are the way they are. They're not cold, depressed, moody, angry, or sad because they choose to be. No. They're like that because something changed them. Something tweaked in their head and heart to make them the way they are. Something was the cause of their pain... something or someone. You don't realize the amount of power someone has over you until you realize that you're losing yourself because of them. Until you realize that everything that they're doing is not okay, but you can't say anything because you're terrified of what they could do.  You cling on to that toxic someone because they make you think they're the only ones who will ever love you, who you feel will love you more than you love yourself. You know you're changing because of them when every move you make you ask yourself if. It's. Okay. If they'll be angry you did something or looked at someone the wrong way. It gets harder and hard for  to even look at my own reflection, as it haunts me.. You begin to see yourself differently, the person you use to love in the mirror is now struggling to even stare at their own reflection. Ashamed of who've they've become.