I sit quietly in the corner watching the world go by. I wonder if I'm ever going to get out of my comfort zone. If I'll ever do something more. People around me pass, no, fly by without without a care and I'm stuck in a rut, bored by life and it's stubborn boundaries.
I'm impatient. If I could get to my goal right now and pass this phase of boring nothingness and compliability, I would.
I want to act!
I want to write!
I want to sing!
I want to pass this shit and wave goodbye to the losers as I succeed. I get pushed aroun every day because I want people to smile at me. I don't talk back because I want people to like me. And still, they pick the bitchy, pretty girl who couldn't care less about where she ends up in ten years, the girl who'd rather waste her life with drugs and alcohol than excel.
And where does that leave people like me?
Stuck. Stuck in a rut, covered with bitterness and laced with jealousy.
I am sick to death of getting pushed back. I am sick of people subtly telling me "you're never going to make it". I'm sick of people grunting, chortling or humming at my life choices. I'm sick of not living up to standards. I'm sick of being out down by idiots who'll never experience true happiness. I'm sick of people who have the wrong moral priorities. I'm sick of people who put themselves first and don't even spare an eighth of a thought to the people around. I'm sick of social norms. I'm sick of assumptions. I'm sick of fake. I'm sick of real. I'm sick of truth. I'm sick of lies. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of us. I'm sick of me. And I'm sick to my stomach that I'm blaming other people for my twisted and devilish thoughts.
I'm sick of it all. Everything.
I could just give up, lose interest, not even try, and nobody would even notice. Sadly, I'm not important to the world, and I know it's true.
But despite all of this, I'm still going on. I'm still going to try.
Why? Because I'm determined, and one day, all determination transforms dreams into reality.
And all I need is reality.
