Never The Same

Chapter Seventeen

"Next on the 9-800 News is Missing in New York with Cady Freeton," the lady said. She was one of those classic news ladies who wore a pantsuit and sat behind a desk with her 'coworker' as if it wasn't obvious that they were married.

Asher just stared at the television with a depressed look on his face. I watched him for quite a while, but he never bothered to look back at me. Now was not a good time to explain the whole twin thing to him, there was never really a good time.

I waited until the end of the next commercial to distract him. I thought that maybe I could stop him from listening to the television, but rather pay attention to me. It shouldn't terrify me to talk to him but it does. "Asher."

He must not have heard me, maybe because he was deep in thought, but I wasn't sure. I was never sure about anything he said or did. I softened my voice and spoke louder to Asher, saying his name one more time attempting to keep my voice from shaking.

He glanced back at me, kind of sad looking actually. I couldn't quite tell what was wrong with him, but something was off. The news was about to come back on, so I did what first came to my mind.

"Why are you sitting so far away?" I stared at him until he finally looked back, then he stared at me too.

He looked like he was off in a daze right before he spoke. "I never killed them."

"Who?"

"The woman at the hospital, the two little boys in the alley, the teen girl in that boxed room. I didn't kill any of them."

"Brooke," I sadly whispered to myself, hoping that he didn't hear, but also wishing he would.

He got up from the chair and sat down really close to me. I tried to move over, but I was sitting at the end of the couch. Asher's face was nearly an inch from mine, and I felt his breath as he exhaled. He didn't look so sad anymore, but scary like he used to. He kept looking at me and I couldn't help but look back at him.

"I know." It was the truth, even if I did or didn't want it to be.

He rested his hand on my thigh, and I tensed up quickly, but relaxed slowly to make my nervousness less noticeable. It wasn't really that hard to be honest and all, because everything couldn't be so different from the last time. He began rubbing my leg and I immediately felt the urge to puke.

I watched the news on and off to see if I was on there, but I still hadn't showed up. The session with Cady Freeton had already passed, although I kept an eye out for an emergency Amber Alert. He hadn't seemed to notice though.

Asher leaned over and opened his mouth slightly as if he were about to kiss me. I opened my mouth slightly too, breathing out of it instead of my nose. In my peripheral vision, I saw him staring at me, while I glanced back and forth from the television.

I had less than a minute to decide if I should fake it, so he's at least distracted for a while, or if I should pull away and figure something else out. I mean, the obvious choice was to fake it, because reality has struck and there basically isn't a way out of this treacherous mess. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't kiss him after everything I've been through because of him.

"I think I'm ready to eat now," I said, which was probably the best thing I've thought of throughout the day, so at least he would go away for a few minutes.

"Okay," was all he said as he got up and went to the fridge. "Would you like pancakes from this morning, or would you like me to make you a sandwich? It is past lunch time, you know."

I was so shaken up by his attempt to kiss me, that I barely heard him. He repeated his question after four times of calling my name. I told him that pancakes were fine. He just nodded this time, putting them in the microwave and warming them up. He didn't really look back at me, which I was okay with.

"While you are up," I asked. "Could you turn the tv off? I'm getting a slight headache."

"Of course," he responded. It sounded really creepy, like a crazy psycho husband. "Would you like some aspirin to take for it?"

"No, no. I just want to prevent anything too awful.

"Are you sure? It wouldn't-"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

He came over with a plate, and sat down really close to me again, except this time he pulled a chair right in front of me to sit. His knees were pushed right against mine in a very uncomfortable way. He used two fingers to feel the pancake and make sure it wasn't too hot. He then cut it up and blew on it to cool it down.

"Why don't we sit at the table?"

There was this cute little table that sat two people across from each other. While I glanced at it, I momentarily thought about Luke. I imagined us sitting there together with a cup of coffee in his hand and a cup of tea in mine. I saw us laughing together and smiling at one another. It was a cute thing to think about, but I didn't want to anymore.

"Because I'd be too far away to feed you." He shoved the fork in my mouth and tasted the maple syrup he had drenched over the pancake. He wasn't a bad cook if I thought about it long enough, but I tried not to because I wanted to hate him. I coughed a little and looked down, trying to breathe better. It didn't take long. Asher grabbed my chin and pushed my head up. "Careful, don't choke."

"I can feed myself."

"Oh, I wouldn't want someone to accidentally stab themselves with a fork or knife and do some serious damage to themselves. By the way, how is your wound?"

"It's fine, and what makes you think that I could kill myself after not being able to do it the first time?"

"People do change Em." He said it in an almost empathetic way, but I just passed it by like it was nothing.