wake up, phil - [phan]

{ 39 } - A Goodbye

A/N:

so, this fic hit 10K reads, and I cannot express how grateful I am.

oh wait, yes I can.

how?

by giving you an even longer chapter!!

for extreme immersion, lock yourself in a dark room and be alone. why?

that's what i did whilst writing this chapter? and what happened?

i made myself cry with my own writing. and i never cry at anything. so for the more emotional of you guys, you have been warned.

but thank you for all the incredible comments, and i hope you're having a nice christmas season so far!!

-

Phil's POV

I hear a gentle tap on the door as I'm lying on the bed with my phone above my head. I'm looking through my camera roll, looking at every photo with Dan in it, as if I'm trying to conjour him up out of thin air.

"Hello?" comes a voice from outside the door.

"Come in."

I sit up and lock my phone as Chris, PJ and Sarah all troop in, all with the same worn expressions on their faces. Their shoulders drooped, their expressions clouded and lost. They looked like they had all been through a lot.

"We're sorry, Phil."

That was all it took.

That was all I needed.

That was all it took for tears to flood my eyes and dribble down my cheeks.

"Phi-"

"Can I be alone for a bit?" I ask, quickly.

I wasn't like me, I usually love other people's company and often struck up conversations with strangers in shops and cafes.

But now, in this hospital room, all I needed was to sit alone.

"Of course, Phil."

PJ and Sarah leave, but Chris stays behind to put my laptop on the table beside me. He then reaches into his pocket and pulls out my lion before placing it on the pillow behind me.

When he leaves, I wait for and count the seconds that pass before I know he's far down the corridor, and then I let everything go.

Every. Single. Thing.

Every feeling I have felt over the past days, all let out by me sobbing into my pillow and clutching it until my knuckles turn white. I sit up and repeatedly hit my head backwards on the bedstead behind me as the whimpers and tears all come flooding out.

I need Dan. Something of him, anything or him. I need it. I need to calm down.

Out of desperation, my heart drumming in my ears and the back of my head throbbing violently, I grab my laptop from the table beside me and flip open the lid. I need to see Dan's face.

My first choice I go to is to watch a YouTube video of us. Anything of us together. I move my mouse to click the safari icon, the mouse pad freezing under my warm fingers, but -

You have 1 new video message from Dan. Would you like to watch it?

What?

You have 1 new video message from Dan. Would you like to watch it?

I sit in silence, staring at the screen, my jaw dropped.

From... Dan?

You have 1 new video message from Dan. Would you like to watch it?