faded letters

04 - damn, that guy

to that guy
ive noticed before
i saw you again
a lot of times to be exact
but it seems like
every time i do
the slowly i fall
i don't know if
i should stop
or go on

✉✉✉

Hey. Its been a few hours since I last saw you. Look, I'm not obsessed. I'm just scared. Scared to lose what we don't even have. I mean, we're not even that close... How the hell would I even catch feelings for you? It seems ironic. Your friends teased me a lot for liking you and then there's me thinking that I wouldn't but that was back then. I'm not even sure about it now.

I was never the type to be shy around the guys I like. Well, I am shy but I could gain confidence afterwards and start talking to them. Then, there's you.. What is with you? Why is it that I'm shy around you? Why is it that whenever I see you, my heart stops and hides. What makes you different from other guys?

Is it your smile?
Is it your laugh?
Is it your talent?
Is it your jokes?

I don't know really. I just find you really admirable. I just find you really cute. Sometimes, a little maudlin but overall, you're a really fun person. I really don't know what else I could say. Maybe I could add that I had admired you from afar? and I never really got the courage to tell you that? Or maybe I could tell you that I don't like seeing you because the longer I'll be able to see you, the more this heart gets unstable.

I don't get this.
I don't understand why I feel this way.
All I could do is give a big sigh.
I'm confused.

I'm going to tell you. I love reading our conversations. I laugh at the small banters we'd have. I sigh whenever you draw. You draw so good to be honest. I smile whenever you smile. I shake my head whenever you'd do something silly. And the list goes on. But as that slowly goes on, slowly, my feelings are starting to find its way into my brain. You are the reason why my brain can't cooperate with my words right now. The more I think about it. The clearer it gets.

I am starting to like you.
I am starting to like you.
I am starting to like you.

I'm out of words. I'm just gonna say random things. Is this the feeling of liking someone? It feels funny. It feels new. It feels odd. It feels different. The feeling I get from you is different. This letter wouldn't make any sense any more. Brain isn't working. Heart is beating. Oh look, you're online. Here goes another night of watching your name in the active now list. It gets tiring. I wanna talk to you. But I can't.

Please don't notice me
I don't want this.
I feel happy when you do
But please don't.
I beg of you.

To that guy. That guy who I found very cute. To that guy. That guy whose height is also cute. To that guy. That guy whose drawing skills I tend to be jealous of. To that guy. That guy who never fails to make corny jokes. To that guy. That guy who knows when to be bitter and when to be sweet. To that guy. That guy who is very kind and helpful. To that guy. The guy I like very much.

I hope you'll be happy.
I like you a lot.
Please don't ignore me
when I'd say it out loud.

So... I'll see you soonest! I'll tell you about my feelings personally because honestly, I'd love to take the risk. I'd love to jump at the other side of the mountain just to get to you. Even if I'll have to wait for months. I sound like the guy here. Anyways, I wish you luck in you upcoming contest. I'll be watching and praying that our school will win.