Dork Diaries : Tales from an Oh-So-Fabulous Life (MacKenzie Hollister's Diary)

Tueday, September 17

Today at school, Jessica approched me and was all like, "I'm sorry Mac, I won't embarrass you again." I applied a fresh layer of lip gloss and told her to go away because I was busy. Actually, I was. I was trying to think of the BEST way to embarrass Nikki. That's when Sarah came up to me and was like, "Yow know that unfashionable DORK?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah, Sarah, she's totally stealing my boo!" I pouted. I'd seen them making goo-goo eyes at each other before.

"Why don't you make her bathe in her lunch, if you know what I mean, hon!" Sarah winked and walked away.

OMG! That was the perfect  way for Brandon to realize that Nikki was a total DORK and I was totally better than her!

So I went up to Jessica and was like, "Hey hon! I was wondering if you could do me a favor..."

It would be totally IMPOSSIBLE for Nikki to avoid Table 5, where, BTW, all the CCPs (Cute, Cool, & Popular) sit, because, since we're all PERFECT, we get to sit in the MIDDLE of the whole cafeteria. Like, omg, we're sooooooooooooo popular!

Table 1 is where all the jocks sit. I don't like them because they make weird farting armpit noises. At Table 2, there's the bad kids - like, the rebel skateboarder type. Table 3 is the wanna-be cool/bad kids, where they have a loud stereo and try to be cool by 'busting moves,' but honestly, they suck. Table 4 is where all the cheerleaders sit, and then there's Table 5, where all the CCPs sit. Like, we're all sooooooo popular! Everyone loves us! Table 6 are the nerds, who are always reading or playing this super-old board game that have nothing to do with fun. Table 7 is for emos, goths, and you know, people in the scene. They're the only ones who don't totally WORSHIP us CCPs because they think they're soooooooooooo cool with all their black clothes and weird hairstyles. Like, seriously. Ew. Table 8 is the Theater Club, and Table 9 is where the dorks sit. On a sad note, I still haven't figured out where Brandon sits! Like, does he eat in the janitors closet or something? Talk about heartbreak!

Anyways, Nikki was walking around our table with her lunch tray when Jessica carried out my brilliant plan. She stuck her leg out and Nikki tripped and screamed, "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

OMG! It was BEYOND hilarious! Her spaghetti and cherry jubilee dessert were all over her, across her face and covering her clothes! The whole cafeteria was laughing like crazy!

Nikki tried to get up but she kept slipping in her spaghetti and milk.

I folded my arms, glared at her, and yelled, "SO, NIKKI, ARE YOU HAVING A NICE TRIP?!"

My comment made everyone laugh even harder. Nikki even started to CRY!

Then things got real quiet. Brandon, MY BRANDON, smiled at NIKKI, HELD HER HAND, AND PULLED HER OFF THE FLOOR!

I was furious!

Before I could say anything, Brandon was all like, "You... okay?"

I went from FURIOUS to LIVID! How DARE Nikki take my BOO to the DORK SIDE!

Nikki tried to say something back, but her voice sounded like she was trying to do that thing that whales do with their nozzle thingys. She took a deep breath and said the most stupid thing you could say to someone as HOT as BRANDON.

"Sure. I'm okay. I had spaghetti for dinner yesterday, but it wasn't nearly this slippery!"

Brandon handed her a napkin. I went BEYOND LIVID when their fingers TOUCHED.

"Um... I think you have... something on your face?" Brandon asked.

"Probably my lunch..."

"Yeah, probably..."

I was sooooooooooooooooo glad when their little conversation was interrupted by Mr. Snodgrass (AKA Mr. Snotass), who's our lunchroom monitor.

He started lecturing Nikki and cleaning up her mess, but all I could do was stare at Nikki and Brandon.

Then, the worst thing happened! He SMILED at her and said, "I guess I'll see you in biology."

"Yeah... okay. And thanks. You know, for the napkin."

"Hey, no prob."

"Actually. we have napkins just like this at home. My mom got them on sale. At Wal-Mart..."

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND GOES TO WAL-MART?

Anyways, Brandon- I mean, MY Brandon acted super cool and said, "Oh, that's, um... cool. Well, later."

"Sure, see ya, in bio."

I stared at Nikki in horror. I must've looked like a disoriented ghost mummy thing.

"I hope you're not STUPID enough to think HE'D like a a LOSER like you?" I howled at her.

"Um... he, who?" She asked dumbly. I was so mad I could SPIT!

Then Jessica blurted out, "You are such a KLUTZ. OMG! Look at her! I think she PEED in her pants!"

I was like, "OMG! You're right! She did PEE in her pants!" We laughed and pointed to try to distract everyone from the whole Brandon thing and to get everyone laughing again.

Then Nikki was all like, "Yeah right! I spilled MILK on my pants. Don't you morons know milk when you see it?"

Then she ran away! HOW DARE SHE TALK BACK TO ME!

I started to freak out and talk to my BFFs.

"OMG! OMG! Brandon likes Nikki! How-?" I stammered as tears began to come on my face.

"No, no!" Lisa said. "Like, he's only trying to make her jealous. Once you two hook up, she'll be so sad that she'll die from extreme sadness. Isn't that what you want?"

"Yeah!" Said Jessica. "Yeah, totally hon. Everyone knows that Brandon is your boo, and he isn't that dumb to like a dork like Nikki."

"O-okay..." I sniffed back a couple of tears, then the bell rang and it was time for class to start.