I say this every year but it's true! This Christmas did not feel like Christmas. I was thankful for everything I got but I feel like my family still think of me as a 10 year old. I'm usually sad everyday for the littlest things, that's why I stay in my bedroom all day at my dads and my mum's.
once my sister told me that no one in my family liked me. I know she was just mad but I think most of it was true. I took it to the heart and even if it was about 1 or 2 years ago, I cant let it go. All my life I have been wanting to die, questioning if I would be missed if I died, the thought of self harming. I didn't actually self harm because I knew I wasn't that depressed I had to hurt myself to feel control. My sister also told me that she self harmed, she was depressed so she got took into counselling, best friends with my brother. I get jealous od her even though I hate her and, to be honest, she is really ugly. My mum tells her everything and so does my brothers. I am the youngest in my family so they all think of me as a baby who cant keep secrets and shouldn't be involved with anything they say.
I decided to write a diary so I could have a restart in the new year. A new year, a new me. However, I don't think that will stick... I'm not popular, pretty or smart in any way. I've never had a boyfriend and I have never been kissed. I have friends but I don't think they like me so much. I don't get bullied but I do get made fun of my voice sometimes. my voice is very high like squirrel. People have said it will change as I grow but it has only changed the slightest. It's also the same with my body. People say as your body grows you'll lose your baby fat. I don't think it's my baby fat... I am fat and I can't change that. Heck, one night I cried my self to sleep because of how much I hated myself! That's why I wanted to start a new me in 2016.
What I will change in 2016:
- become a vegetarian - I have been a vegetarian before but my mum said I needed to eat more meat so I stopped. This time she is getting me quorn meat and veggie stuff...
- loose weight - I have tried this before also but will no luck. maybe with the new veggie diet and right workout, I will make a difference.
-use more ears and less mouth - I'll listen for a change instead of talking about my problems and making them worse and embarrassing myself.
-work harder - with listening more it could help me to work harder in subjects so I can get better grades rather than c's and d's.
-look out for opportunities - example, a boy. Stop being so picky and talk to him and become close. Who knows he might be your first boyfriend.
-do more for others - even if this is helping my mum around the house, it could help with my exercise and positive attitude.
-don't be stubborn - I am very argumentive and I always want my own way (not always but I get told this everyday even if I'm watching tv quietly). if someone tells me to do something (not stupid like jump off a cliff, c'mon that's common sense!
And I will ad more as I go.
I also thought of doing a quote a day so I could take inspiration from that quote and hope it helps. So, the idea is pick a quote and write it in the diary. If it takes place in your diary, It will take place in your heart (hopefully)
QUOTE OF THE DAY - *looks on google for a quote* "EVERYDAY IS A SECOND CHANCE"
Also I might have the quote but it could be the morning and I want to write what happened to me later on so the quote might not always be last.
YOU ARE READING
New Year, New Me
RandomCliché title, however this story is how I tried to change my life. This story is like my diary...