"The hardest person to come out to was myself. When I first started to realize that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all of these questions, these really really terrifying questions. You know, am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever gonna be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate me? If there is a heaven, am I gonna make it to heaven? And those were all really really scary questions for a fourteen year old and then throughout the process I started to kind of build this self-confidence and this self-worth and I realized, yeah I am gay. Eventually I got to the point where I was like, "ok, well if there is a heaven but I can't be myself up there, then maybe I don't want heaven."" - Troye Sivan
The truth runs wild
Like a tear down a cheek
Trying to save face, and daddy heart break
I'm lying through my teeth
This voice inside
Has been eating at me
Trying to replace the love that I fake
With what we both need
The truth runs wild
Like kids on concrete
Trying to sedate, my mind in its cage
And numb what I see
Awake, wide eyed
I'm screaming at me
Trying to keep faith and picture his face
Staring up at me
Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?
Without changing a part of me
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven?
The truth runs wild
Like the rain to the sea
Trying to set straight the lines that I trace
To find some relief
This voice inside
Has been eating at me
Trying to embrace the picture I paint
And colour me free
Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?
Without changing a part of me
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven?
So I'm counting to fifteen
Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen
So I'm counting to fifteen
Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen
So I'm counting to fifteen
Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen
So I'm counting to fifteen
Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen
Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?
Without changing a part of me
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven?
The truth runs wild
Like a tear down a cheek
-Heaven by Troye Sivan (feat. Betty Who)
I really love Troye Sivan, if that isn't obvious.
