handwritten ➸ s.m

the one that i don't know the name of

❝you, you dressed up so nice
but all i could see was your eyes
and the crowd, came, and pulled you away
and then you were gone
oh, woah, yeaah

and i don't even know your name
all i remember is that smile on your face
and it'll kill me everyday
cause i don't even know your name.❞

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may 26, 2010

location: middle school dance in pickering, ontario

age: 12

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as i sat on a rickety wooden chair, i am disgusted by the sight around me: prepubscent kids grinding against each other. it seems like everyone is doing so. grinding and twerking is the new trend. in middle school, everyone likes to follow these generic and outrageous trends. if you follow them, you are cool.

the trends vary. sometimes they are very simple, like when liliana, the so-called female leader of the popular group, started wearing crop tops, then all girls did so too. sometimes they are way more complex, like when austin, the so-called male leader of the popular group, fucked one of our classmates, then, all of a sudden, unprotected sex was the shit.

i don't ever follow the trends. people often tell me that i'm weird because of it. i do not mind it. i want to stay true to myself, instead of being suddenly transformed into one of the "populars" for pretending to be someone i was not.

if you looked around the room everyone dancing ((no, actually scratch that out, grinding is not dancing)) looked exactly the same. the girls were wearing short dresses with low cleavage, although many didn't even have boobs yet. all the boys, minus me, were wearing khakis and polo shirts, let's not forget the fact that all of them had justin bieber haircuts ((he became famous, like, a year ago.))

everyone looked the same. yes, physically many of them were not the same because of genetics. however, they still tried to look the same, despite some having darker skin or smaller eyes or shorter hair. same skin-showing outfits. same backstabbing personalities. same everything. no one even tried to be unique.

until she came in.

she didn't try to stand out with showy clothes and an excessive amount of makeup. she stood out to me because she was herself, in a sea of generic middle school students.

she was being herself. she was wearing a long-sleeved, under-the-knee maroon dress. she was showing almost no skin, however she looked more gorgeous than any other girl around here.

she was standing near the entrance of the school's gym. a good looking lad was standing beside her, i think i have seen him before. i notice that he is even holding her hand. they are exchanging words, in a somewhat timid way. she laughs. and when she stops laughing, she smiles. she smiles a gorgeous hypnotizing smile with blue braces glued unto the teeth.

oh god. my heart races to a thousand beats per minute. in my head, an atrocious storm of thoughts is occuring and she is causing it. this feeling is unparalleled to anything else i have ever felt. her smile somehow makes me feel so complete and mushy and happy. god, i bet that smile could even make mr. wilkinson , our horrible math teacher, happy. her smile will forever be engraved in my memories. and, in the future, whenever i am sad, i will vividly remember that smile of hers and it will make me overjoyed.