Love in the Spotlight

Chapter 5: A Painful Release

The night was tiring and weighed heavily upon me. I had left early. Telling Rob that all the rich food was beginning to take its toll on me.

A lie.

The truth was that amidst the flashing lights and ear shattering screams, I was trapped within myself. Growing smaller and smaller. As the night dragged on, I felt him slipping from me. Even further than he was now. At the same time, I was slipping from myself. Utterly forgetting who I was.

For three years I had put him behind me. Pushing him to the back of my mind. Along with all of the feelings. Leaving them there to collect dust. And, so swiftly, I had allowed him to waltz back into my life and break me. Break down the walls that I had took three years to build.

This day. The day I had dreaded of all days was the reason why I was weak. Why all I could do was put on a false smile and pretend to enjoy my life.

I went into my bedroom to change. Throwing on sweats and a shirt. While doing so, I cried.

***

The happiness seemed everlasting. We were so untouchable then, the world could have broke out into a war, and we would have held no guilt.

I sipped on my glass of wine, allowing my tears to escape my eyes and drip from the tip of my nose. Photographs, sitting in a messy pile in my lap, reflected a time gone but never forgotten. I wiped a tear with the sleeve of my sweat shirt, as I reached down for a new photo.

It was blurry, but it was us. We laid in bed. Completely ignorant of what the world was doing outside the walls of our bedroom. We were invested in each other.

I can't remember what caused this photo. What caused it to be taken, but I was happy it was. We held each other, resting our faces together, we appeared to be protective. I had given him my heart and so carelessly, I allowed him the time he needed to break it.

***

I heard the front door open.

"I'm in here Cary" I said. Sniffling and looking down at the picture in my shaky hands as I cried. Allowing the sobs to shake my body. I hated myself and was disgusted at what I allowed one person to do to me.

"Emma?" looking up, I saw Rob. Looking back at me with a look of pain etched across his face. I stood to my feet.

"Just leave Rob" I choked out. Hiding the evidence of my pain. He rushed over to me. Taking my hands into his, he inspected the photograph. I struggled against him.

"Let me go!"

"Emma what's wrong?" His voice, only making my cried worse. I fought. I didn't want him near me. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"No!" I shouted. Ripping my hands free of his and looking down at the picture. Checking to see if had been bent in any way. I began to wander away from him as my eyes stayed locked on us. He stepped forward but stopped. He closed his eyes tight. Shutting out my image.

"Emma, please. What's wrong?" I could feel a sense of irritation mixed with worry pulsing from him. I swallowed hard.

"What's wrong?" I scoffed. I looked up at him with tear filled eyes. "I'm broken" I whispered. I couldn't stop my tears and oddly enough didn't want to. I enjoyed the inner self pain and welcomed it.

This time he took a step forward, but stayed cautious that he left room between the two of us. I had forgotten to take my makeup off and was sure there were black streaks down my cheek.

"Emma" he breathed. "You need to stop"

Stop what? Stop this? Stop self loathing of a person I once was but will never be again? Stop that? Well if that's what he was referring to, as he stood there telling me to stop, well I'm sorry to disappoint but I can't.