In the Hour of Silence

Chapter 3

Clary POV

After I've finished all of my homework, I sit in the window seat in Tessa and I's room with my sketchbook. I trace the skyline of New York lightly in pencil. No matter how hard I try, I can't get Jace out of my head. He was the first person at that school who didn't treat me like an alien. He actually made me feel special and like I could get someone like that. Then I found out that he was a player and it was all probably an act. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think for two minutes that someone like that could actually like me like that.

I'm nothing compared to the other girls. I may not show it, but I'm lost. Ever since the Night six years ago, I've felt lost. My brother and I did everything together, my mom was the one I went to for all of my problems, and my dad got me into stuff like Star Wars. Without all of that, I just don't know what to do.

Sure, I have Luke. But is Luke always willing to do the crazy stuff Jonathan and I did? No. Can I talk to Luke about different girl stuff like I could with my mom? Nope. Not to mention, every time I try to watch Star Wars with him, he has no idea what is going on.

People think I should just get over it--that I shouldn't dwell on things that happened six years ago. But they weren't there the Night. They didn't see what I saw.

Everyone let me be for the first few months of me not speaking, but after almost six months, people started to think I was crazy. The state basically forced Luke to take me to therapy until I was twelve. After a year and a half of useless therapy, the doctors decided that after the Night, I clung to some sort of juvenile coping mechanism.

Obviously they couldn't see me becoming more and more lost.

After that, people let me be. There have been minor conflicts before like substitute teachers not believing the class when they said I was mute-by-choice and threatened me with detention if I didn't verbally answer a question. I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and never had a normal social life. There are girls at this school who are beautiful, confident, and have something unique about them that draws you to them. I have none of those things. Why I thought Jace would actually like a girl who was so close to breaking?

I honestly have no idea.

I'm just starting to shade when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I grab the phone and look to see that there's a new text waiting for me--from Jace.

Rolling my eyes, I open the text.

Jace: Hey Clary. Have you thought about going for coffee or maybe something else? 😉

I roll my eyes as I text my reply. Was me calling you a dick not clear enough? I put my phone on the seat beside me hoping he'll get a clue and leave me alone. Unfortunately, a persistent one, Jace is. (I just watched all six Star Wars movies so don't judge me for my Yoda bit 😁 )

Jace: Oh come on. I thought we were really getting along earlier.

We may have been if you weren't just like every other fricken player out there. I try to put my phone down again but another vibration comes before I can.

Jace: You wound me Clary. I can assure you I am quite the individual. There aren't many guys as hot and charming as me. 😉

Sorry to disappoint you Jace, but I'm pretty sure Ian Somerhalder has you beat. I reply smirking as I put my phone on the dresser and go to change for my upcoming shift in the bookstore. I take off my Star Wars t shirt and change into the light gray shirt with the navy Garroway BookStore logo on the upper left chest and back. I slip on a dark green zip-up before slipping into my white converse and pulling my hair into a half ponytail. I'm sure Jace has texted me back by now, but I don't give a shit.