Heart of Glass

Journal Entry Four

It's been one week since I've been home and well... it doesn't feel like home anymore.

Without Grandpa, the large house feels empty. Dad went back to work the day after the funeral and Paige has been trying to reconnect, but it's not the same. I've never really thought about it, but Grandpa was the only thing that made it worth being at home. I used to look forward to coming home after school so we could sit and drink coffee as we talked about our day.

I heard Paige and Dad arguing last night. Dad wants to start clearing out Grandpa's room and auction some of the more valuable items off. Until that day, I had never heard Paige when she was truly angry. Her voice carried to every corner of the house, screaming at Dad for being a heartless monster. I remember flinching when she said that. I know it hadn't been directed at me, but the thought that my own situation might be something I had inadvertently inherited from my Dad made me feel ill.

I don't know how to approach Paige. Her words keep tumbling around my head, banging against the wall of anger I've built. With every passing day, the wall breaks a little bit more as I see things I can't believe.

Like two days ago, that Smithers guy stopped by our house and I actually felt bad for Paige when I opened the door. With blond slicked back hair, and a crooked nose that gave his natural expression an unsettling air â I almost slammed the door in his face when he asked to come in.

"Are you sure you're here to see Paige?" I asked.

He nodded, bending down to my eye level as if I was a child. "That's right." He spoke slowly, his lips curling into a leering grin, which bent his nose further into an impossible angle. "I'll just wait in the sitting room."

Without letting me respond, he'd brushed past me and turned into the sitting room, as if he was already lord of our house or something. Paige had been coming out of the kitchen and I ambushed her before she could ask who was at the door.

"What's wrong?" she asked anxiously, glancing at my small shoulder bag where my heart was. "Did something happen - ?"

"Please tell me that creep out there is not the guy Dad is pimping you out to."

Slipping past me, she snuck out to the hallway and came back straight away, closing the kitchen door quietly. "What the hell is he doing here? We don't have an appointment to see each other until Saturday!"

"How the hell should I know? He just barged in here like he owned the place." A taunting remark had been on the tip of my tongue, but it died when I saw her bite her lip. I knew that gesture. Grandpa said it was something our mother used to do when she was stressed. It was a trait both Paige and I had inherited.

"Dad's not serious about him, is he?" I finally asked her.

Paige fell back against the wall, exhaustion seeping into her features as she buried her head in her hands. "I don't know. He just wants the connection so he can talk to the Daddy Warbucks of the family. I keep hoping that he'll get what he's been looking for soon, but he tells me nothing. Who knows how long this will go on for?"

Looking at Paige in that moment, I couldn't remember ever seeing her look so defeated. School used to get her down, and Dad and her had fought a lot back in the day, but even then she'd seemed tough. She always bounced back.

Not thinking, I told her to wait there and headed towards the sitting room. A strange tightness had built in my limbs, like a shot of adrenaline and the door to the sitting room hit the wall with a bang as I shoved it open a little too aggressively.

Smithers jumped, annoyance flashing across his face when he saw me. That look made the energy burst into overdrive and it's only now that I realize what it was; I was protecting my sister. Something I thought I would never do again.