I hope I see you on the other side
so we can kick it like we did before.
I hope you leave a little room on the other side
So I know I got somewhere that I can go.
Dominique Jackson
August 31, 2015
1:25 p.m
Even with the sweat on her forehead and the skip in her breath, she didn't look like she was in pain. Her skin didn't have the golden glow I was used to, and her eyes weren't as bright, but she was still beautiful. The most beautiful girl I would ever see.
Her hand flopped off the bed, and her finger twitched. My eyes trailed from her hand,pink nails, up her thin arm, to her bony shoulder, finally settling on her eyes. She was looking down at me, she really saw me. She didn't look past me to the other dozen of things she needed to do with her day, or tune out my stupid stories. She listened, and it made her really happy. Everyone else seemed to nod without listening, but not her. Never her.
"Nique," she said, her voice raspy. She was the only one I allow to call me that gay ass name. She cleared her throat, and the corners of her mouth turned up. "Come here, bubba. It's okay. C'mere."
Dominic put a few fingers on the base of my neck and pushed me forward while listening to the nurse. Dominic called her Tracy. She came to the house for the first time a few days ago. Her words were soft, and her eyes were kinda nice, but I didn't like Tracy. I couldn't explain it, but her being there was scary. I knew she might have been there to help, but it wasn't a good thing, even though Dom was okay with her.
Dom's nudge shoved me forward several steps, close enough to where Veah could touch me. She stretched her short fingers, and brushed my arm."It's okay, Nique," she whispered. "Veve wants to tell you something."
I stuck my finger in my mouth, and pushed it around on my gums, fidgeting. Nodding made her small smile bigger, so I made sure to make big movements with my head as I stepped toward her face.
She used what was left of her strength to stoot closer to me, and then she took a breath. "What I'm going to ask you will be very hard, Nique. I know you can do it, because you're smart enough to know right from wrong now".
I nodded again, mirroring her smile, even if I didn't mean it. Smiling when she looked so tired and uncomfortable didn't feel right, but bring brave made her happy. So I was brave.
"Dominique, I need you to listen to what I'm going to say, and even more important, I need you to remember. This will be very hard. I've been trying to remember things from when I was three, and I .." she trailed off, the pain too big for a bit.
"Pain getting unmanageable, Neveah?" Tracy said, pushing a needle into Veah's IV.
"Stupid bitch, you only making it worse or so I thought" I said to myself in my head.
After a few moments, Neveah relaxed.She took another breath,and tried again.
"Can you do that for Veve? Can you remember what I'm about to say?" I nodded again, and she raised a hand to my cheek. Her skin wasn't very warm, and she could only keep her hand in place for a few seconds before it got shaky and fell to the bed.
"First, It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel things. Remember that . Second, be a kid for as long as you can, even though you're 18. Get out the streets, Nique. Be silly"-- her eyes glossed over--" and you and your Dominic take care of each other. Even when you graduate and move away, It's important to come home , okay?"
My head bobbed up and down, desperate to please her.
"One of these days you're going to fall in love, bubba.
Don't settle for just anyone. Choose the one that doesn't come easy, the one you have to fight for, and then never stop fighting. Never"-- she took a deep breath-- " stop fighting for what you want. And never" --her eyebrows pulled in-- " forget that Veve loves you. Even if you can't see me."A tear fell down her cheek. " I will always,always love you."
She took a choppy breath,and then coughed.
"Okay," Tracy said, sticking a funny-looking thing in her ears. She held the other end to Neveah's chest. " Time to rest."
"No time," Mommy whispered.
Tracy looked at my brother. "We're getting close, Mr.Jackson . You should probably bring the rest of the family in to say goodbye."
Dom's lips made a hard line, and he shook his head. "I'm not ready," He choked out.
"You'll never be ready to lose your sister, Dominic. But you don't want to let her go without the family saying their goodbyes."
Dominic thought for a minute, wiped his nose with his sleeve, and then nodded. He stomped out of the room, like he was mad.
I watched Veah, watched her try to breathe, and watched Tracy checking the numbers on the box beside her. I touched Neveah's wrist. Tracy's eyes seem to know something I didn't , and that made my stomach feel sick.
Dom knocked on the door, and then it opened. My family crowded around him in the hallway, and Tracy led me by the hand to join them.
Grandma's eyes didn't leave Neveah's bed, and Auntie and Uncle Ralph looked everywhere but the bed. It made me feel better somehow that they all looked as scared as I felt.
Jamal stood next to me, a little bit in the front, like the day he protected me when we were playing in the front yard, and the neighbor boys tried to pick a fight with his brother, Jamel.
Dominic cleared his throat. "Neveah been real sick for a long time, fam, and It's time for her... It's time she..." He trailed off.
Tracy offered a small,sympathetic smile. "Your precious angel hasn't been eating or drinking. Her body letting go. This is going to be very hard, but It's a good time to tell her, that you love her, and you're going to miss her, and that It's okay for her to go. She needs to know that It's okay."
My family nodded their heads in numbly. All of them but me. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't care if Jesus wanted her or not. She was my sister, bestfriend. He could take anyone else but her. One that didn't have a little brother to take care of. I tried to remember everything she told me. I tried to glue it to the inside of my head: Pray,Take care of Dominic,Get out these streets, and Fight for what I love. That last thing bothered me, I loved Neveah, but I didn't know how to fight for her.
I promised her in the very back of my head that I would do all the things she had told me as soon as my body worked again. When the sad went away, I would always pray, and I would always fight.
Hard.
[Picture of Neveah Jackson in the mm]
Rest Easy Baybeh Guh , Foreva In Our Hearts .
