My Name is Roxanne Kane

Here Goes Nothing

SUICIDE

Suicide, the very word is enough to make you cringe. Depending on who you are depends on how you view it. You may judge those who commit it by calling them weak willed but then how could you know that? Have you ever felt the grips of sorrow deep within your soul that you feared everything that once made you feel safe? Have you ever been so lost in a sticky heavy darkness that you felt you could never be found? Have you ever looked in the mirror and seen an empty shell looking back? No? I didn't think so. I don't think you should judge something you could never begin to comprehend. But for those of you that have i am truly sorry for what ever pushed you to this edge and i hope that you listen to my tale of woe and do what i should have done first. I am going to tell you the story of how my life spiraled out of control and how i overcame it all. My name is Roxanne Kane and I am going to tell you why I wanted to kill myself.

SCHOOL SUCKS

School sucks. There's no reason for me to be here. i am ahead in all my classes and i'm expected to graduate early. but then I guess it's better than being locked away in my dorm room staring at walls and wondering if my parents will ever be able to look at me again. I go to Jackson Academy home of the Sirens (if that doesn't tell you how messed up this place is I don't know what will). I have attended this academy since my freshman year and as i have already said i am at the top of all my classes, I used to love this place but that all changed rather quickly and unexpectedly. Penny was one of my closest friends and she back stabbed me in the worst possible way it was actually really funny since i should have seen the signs long before it happened. Penny stole the one thing that I ever cared about and then she flaunted it, threw it in my face and laughed. Then she did the same she did the same to my closest friend of all, Vyktoia.The only reason Vyk didn't kick Penny's ass was because there was no proof of what Penny had done anything wrong. Penny always made sure to be the perfect angle in front of the staff not to mention she had most of the student body wrapped around her little finger so calling her out for anything was a no go. Shortly thereafter we began to lose all our girlfriends which i supposed wasn't the worst thing in the world. It seemed it was Vyk and I against the world.

VYK AND I

Vyk had this air about her that made people either love her or hate her but she also had a vibe the screamed stay the hell away which was always hilarious to me because i knew how much she hated people. She had fire truck red hair and these eye's that seemed to explode with color. We were both 5'4 but she had bigger boobs and less ass. When it came to me people seemed to like me well enough but no one really hated or loved me. Sure people could easily talk to me and confide in me, i guess i had a vibe told people I was trustworthy but unlike Vyk i was quite which was probably why people were so in unsure about me.  Vyk and I were so different but we knew each other so well that words were never needed sometimes we could look at each other and know what the other was thinking. Maybe that's how she knew what happened to me. Maybe that's how i knew what happened to her. Two side of the same coin, sisters by circumstance not blood which was in a way a much stronger bond.

HOW I USED TO BE

I used to be outgoing and friendly, people used to be able to confide in me and I would never tell a soul what they told me. I used to hang out with the guys seeing as the girls were all evil. The guys all looked at me and Vyk as their annoying little sisters, they protected us, they watched out for us, they made sure nobody dared hurt us. That all changed when he transferred in and became a part of the guys, they had no idea that a snake had slithered into our paradise. It didn't happen right away, my pulling away from my friends, but it didn't take too long either. Two months after his arrival and I started to stay away from all things male. I didn't let my 'brothers' near me and i knew that that broke their hearts but the fear, the pain, it made me stay away. They just didn't know what had changed, they blamed themselves, and for that i will always be sorry. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't even mine.