Rough Night ✓

iv. sobremesa

iv.

s o b r e m e s a

(n.) the time spent after eating, talking to the people you shared the meal with to savor not just the food but the companionship as well 

∞ ∞ ∞

THE CITY WAS teeming with life and never had I felt more out of place. I'd known of the hustle and bustle long before Aven and I had gotten to this point, but the feeling of pushing against a crowd headed in the opposite direction was ever-present and more jarring than anytime before. It made me regret small things, like taking Aven with me through the shortcut to my apartment - a cut through the alley for about two blocks before making our way around to the front entrance. Or the fact that I had allowed things to spiral into this in the first place. Here we were, walking the streets of New York even though we were on the run from everything we once knew.

"At least hail a cab," I offered with my best smile. "On me, since it's my idea."

While he fought me on who would pay for the cab, and unrelentingly so, we still took the ride anyway. It was a startling shift that I saw in him, proving true how you were yourself until it got dark and you were everything you're afraid to be.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye while pretending to be using my phone, taking in the details of his face because I had a feeling that this was it. This was the beginning of the end of what could've been an amazing friendship — with me, that meant any type of friendship. I usually lived my life devoid of the company of others besides family in minimal doses, so I was handling this impromptu companionship with Aven Holiday quite nicely since he had plenty of moments to run away from me as well as many directions he could run away in, but he was here in a taxi cab with me as we watched the city roll by outside our windows.

This was nice. Nice because way back when, I was used to this and I was happy then. Now it felt unreal, but I didn't mind it. Sometimes you need more than reality to ground you.

Aven hadn't really paid me much attention since we got inside, letting us both get caught in the silence, but when I was surveying my surroundings, I had caught a split second where his eyes were on me and they were looking through whatever they saw. It made my skin crawl, so I chose not to bring it up.

The silence — apart from the strained sounds that emanated from out of the taxi radio — was nurturing when it wasn't lonely, but I only had so long before it'd go away. I had just assumed I would have a lot more time before it did. But when I looked up, I caught the corners of Aven's lips pick up in a smile.

"You know, this is, deep down one of the craziest things I've done," he said, running a hand through his coarse black hair, his eyes still on me. But he didn't even have to see the look in my eyes to correct himself. "Okay, this probably like tenth on the list of crazy things I've done, but it's crazy regardless."

Yeah, it didn't take benign a family member to know of his more outrageous exploits. There were things the public knew about full and well, like his coke addiction and the string of model girlfriends that clung to his arms for events only just to be cast away and replaced. Sure he wasn't a terrible person, but we all had terrible habits and it all came down to who they made you into.

"How do you mean," I said, trying to match his look. "You don't just take cabs with random strangers when you're hiding from the people you know?"

"To my mother's favorite opera," he added, "and no. I don't, to be honest. I keep a small circle, really. And you know — those can close in on themselves."

I knew it all too well. Declan and my small family were really the only people in my orbit, it didn't even take a Big Bang to knock them all askew. I couldn't even imagine how it was for Aven. To be born in the spotlight and raised to carry such a huge burden. He must've felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, so if one of his only pillars was knocked out underneath him, it was definitely crashing down all around him.

My fingers tentatively reached out to brush his shoulder, the space in the back seat of this cab feeling smaller and smaller as they reached him.

"You'll be okay," I said in a whisper that came out as barely a breath. Because there was something about comforting words that needed to be handled delicately. I knew deep down that he needed to be spoon-fed these things, we all did. "After this, I promise everything would be okay."

He swallowed, his eyes imperceptible, but by the way he didn't flinch away, I could tell that part of him believed me.

∞ ∞ ∞

YOU ONLY GOT one chance in life to ensure all the rest of them. And when I comforted Aven in the backseat of that cab, without knowing it, I had opened all of the doors.

Aven gave me his phone number soon after, also offering me a job at his company. I said for him to keep it in consideration because there was always Metro's, and there always would be. Maybe I wasn't Atlas like he was, but the world around me was too small to drop. Not many people depended on me anymore and I could've easily slipped away without being noticed. But working for the Holidays', I wasn't ready for that.

I also explained my past with Declan to him, if you could call it explaining with all of the details I left out. But he listened better than anyone else and he didn't say a word throughout.

"But why?" he asked, making me mentally take back what I said. "I mean, why did you and Declan not work out? If you don't want to tell me, that's completely fine."

I sighed. To be fairly honest, Declan had told me in Metro's just a few hours ago that he had fallen out of love with me. That was why he left me, nothing more and nothing less. I had no idea what that even meant, really. Because it made sense literally, but I just didn't think that kind of logic could apply to us. You don't just fall out of love with people, you're not supposed to. There's no such thing as loving something just to leave it. I didn't understand it. I didn't deserve it.

"No idea," I said. "I guess love doesn't work out for everyone."

By the silence that filled this cab, leaving us both empty and alone with each other, it almost felt like love didn't work out for anyone.