loving the one you protect

chapter 1

It's been months since he left me, since I ran away to the edges of the earth to find him. To find myself. He told me he loved me. He left.

I should have listened to my mom. She said they always leave. I can't believe I was so weak, so stupid. Here I am, wandering through a little town in Russia searching for the man who stole my heart. I want it back. I need it back.

I keep a hood pulled over my hair, sunglasses on, and my gaze low. He can't know I'm here. He'd recognize me from a mile away. My Dimitri. My feet carry me idly through the village market retracing their usual route. Vendors and farmers are selling their wares in wooden stands; no one bothers to notice me anymore after traipsing through every day. They figure I'm another lost soul. Maybe I am.

A wrinkly, knobby hand latches onto my forearm. I gasp. "Let me go-" I yelp. Heads turn. My teeth latch onto my tongue and bite down stifling the end of my yelp, trying to not draw attention.

"Look there" An elderly lady cuts me off pointing across the market. Her voice cloaked in a thick accent.

I follow her gaze. A man and woman are chatting some ways away. His strong silhouette calls to me. I resist the temptation to run to him. He is not mine to run to. His deep brown hair dances in the wind. He looks happy. My heart sits in my throat, pounding away, I cannot speak. I cannot look away.

I'm safe. His back is to me. He chats animatedly to one Tasha Ozera.

"Oh Dimika!" she laughs clinging to his arm. My eyes fall on her swollen stomach. I can't breathe. My vision blurs. Pain overtakes me. Raging from within. Breathe I tell myself, forcing air into my lungs.

"He no love her, but he is happy." The Russian baba says to me, shaking my arm.

I don't even realize I'm crying until the hot tears soak through my sweater. He chose her. He chose her over me. I was supposed to meet his family. Not Tasha. Dimitri said he loved me! I was his Roza. She's pregnant with his child. He loves her. He lied. My lungs scream for air. It's like the oxygen has disappeared around me. Tears stream down my face.

"You leave." I nod. Not trusting my voice.

"Fix this." She rests a shaking hand on my heart.

We lock eyes, her fiery blue ones meet my brown. Spurred by her gaze, I flee. Sobs choke me. My arms cling to my torso wrapped around to stop the pain. To stop the bleeding of my heart. They're the only things keeping me together.

"Dimitri Dmitri Dimitri Dmitri" I chant over and over. Each time his name escapes my lips is a stab to my heart. I don't care, I like the pain now.

He doesn't love me. He never loved me.

By the time my plane lands in Montana I feel nothing. Every muscle and bone in my body aches with exhaustion. I want a hot shower. That's all I could really use right now. That and a stiff drink. A double shot of vodka maybe... or some tequila.

I stare blindly at the crowd. Which way do I go to get a taxi? Where do I even go? I withdrew from the academy. I can't even go home. I have nothing. I wander through the crowds of people looking for their loved ones not really seeing.

"Rose! Rose!" I scan the crowd. It can't be me they're calling to. No I left everyone behind. Burnt those bridges.

"ROSE HATHAWAY!" I jolt. That voice, it can only be one person.

"Adrian!" I sprint to him, his emerald eyes sparkle at me. Damn he looks good. His chocolate hair is impeccable as always. I can't help the grin that appears on my face.

"Are you deaf or something? I've only been yelling your name for the past five minutes!" God I missed him. He engulfs me in a hug. Something clicks. His embrace is all I need. I am home.

I cling to him for dear life.

"Are you ever a sight for sore eyes..."

"Hey Little Dhampir, I missed you too" He smirks. I bury my face into his chest to hide my blush.

Finally when I'm sure it's safe to come out, I pull away.

"Why did you come here? I was expecting Lissa..."

"Trying to get rid of me already!" He laughs.

"Never!" I grin sarcasm oozing from my voice.

"Surely you jest or you're going to be one pretty girl stranded at the airport!" His eyes sparkle with humour.

"I am so glad to be back! Russia is nothing like home. They don't even have a good McDonalds!"

"Did you find what you were looking for?" He asks tentatively while we walk to the car.

I nod. Not trusting my voice. Events of the past months come rushing back to me. The air evaporates from my lungs leaving me starved for air. It's like I'm drowning in my sorrow. I can't think of Dimitri anymore, of what could have been. I need to move on. I have to move on. I draw in a shuddering breath. Act natural Rose. Get over it already. I tell myself hoping it works.

We stop walking. "Lost Ivashkov?" I taunt – a kneejerk reaction.

His eyes are full of concern. Gently he cups my face. Shocks shoot through me at his touch. Ever so softly he brushes away the fresh tears rolling down my face. Oh. That's why we stopped. Electricity courses through my veins. Every centimeter of skin he touches feels as if ablaze.

"Oh Rose" He whispers. "You're shaking."

Get it together Rose. Stop it. Don't cry in front of him. You're in the freaking airport. Get over it. Adrian's gentle touch makes the tears fall harder. They come faster and faster now. Pouring down my face like a thunderstorm in July. I'm a mess. My knees shake and my teeth rattle.

"Come here" Two strong arms pull me to his chest. I shake uncontrollably. Sobs wrack my body. Adrian coos soft comforting words into my hair.