diamonds | river phoenix

twenty one

After we left the apartment, we walked around the town, talking. We talked about what we were going to do now that we had literally no where to go. We also talked about completely irrelevant things like,

"Who would win in a fight? Mighty Mouse or Superman?"

Or

"How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood."

We also spoke about our future. What we had planned, and what we wanted to do. When we both revealed that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, it felt amazing. Before then, I wasn't sure if he felt the same way about me as I felt about him. Sure we both said we loved each other, but did we really mean it? It was hard to tell, I mean, how could you know if you really, truly loved someone? Was there a way to find out? Or did you just have to think you loved them?

Now, I was pretty sure I loved him. The emotions were everywhere, he was always on my mind; day and night and he was always first priority.

So after I revealed that I wanted him to be my future, he confessed the same thing. It felt amazing to know that someone 'loved' you as much as you 'loved' them back.

After of hours of wandering the lonely streets of California, we finally crashed on some park benches. Sure, it was cold and extremely uncomfortable, but River made it worthwhile.

We snuggled up against each other, trying to preserve our body heat. The cold metal was pushing into my back and the birds were being extremely loud. After a while, Riv fell asleep. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get that shut-eye I desperately needed.

After hours, I think I finally dozed off.

I woke up, unsure of what the time was.
Who Cares?
I told myself.

I sat up and stretched my legs, they were sore and cramped. My throat was dry and itchy, and my neck was sore from sleeping in an awkward position.

As I rubbed my eyes, I noticed River wasn't on the bench. I looked around, he was no where in the park. Worried, I desperately ran into every shop on the street looking for him. I knocked on every door, asking if anyone had seen him.

I asked everyone on the street, but they all have me disgusted looks and ignored my questions. I couldn't understand why. One last whacked me with her purse.

I felt a huge lump in my throat and it was choking me. Where could he be? I knew he wouldn't have just left me, I knew he would do anything for me. I couldn't lose him again, I would be lost myself, what would I do without him? He was my everything.

I ran around every corner of the town, searching for River. I turned down the last alley, taking a deep breath. When I saw that he wasn't there, I collapsed beside a dumpster, tears flowing down my cheeks. I held my knees up to my chest and buried my head in them.

"Sidney?" I heard a muffled voice say.

Confused, I stood up and said through cracked lips,

"Who's there?"