The Fault In Our Frerard

Summertime

Frank was quite upset about our breaking up and all.

Yes, it was all pretty sudden, and no, Frank hasn't forgiven me since. I get that. I lead him into something and bailed unexpectedly.

Yes, I loved him. More than anything in the world. It's just- feel free to call me anything you want for this- I've gotten teased and tormented for most of my life, I wasn't ready to be teased and tormented for being "gay" with my bandmate. I'm weak, I couldn't deal.

We fell in love near the end of 2004, and we both knew it. When Mikey found me and him making out behind a file cabinet on a Saturday afternoon, he didn't judge. Nor did Ray when he walked in on us being even more intimate.

I remember us laying under the stars some nights and mumbling things like, "promise me you'll never leave me" and "I love you,". I miss that sometimes.

Although Ray, Mikey and he who shall remain nameless didn't judge us, that didn't mean the general public wouldn't. Stupid, I know, but I'm weak, I can't handle these things.

It was December of 2006 when I realized that I wouldn't be able to handle the beatdown of the public, even though some were supportive. Not everyone would be, and I couldn't handle that.

Of course, Frank and I had kissed multiple times in the public eye by then. I still remember the few, yet traumatizing letters and emails I'd gotten from people for being "gay". For that reason, Frank and I played the kissing and PDA off as just adrenaline from running around on stage. Believable, right?

I didn't tell Frank how I felt, not until March 2007. We were touring at the time, and this occurred before a show.

He was getting ready, I could see him though the crack in his dressing room door. Trying to impress me, obviously. He knew what I liked.

I cleared my throat, and Frank turned around, dropping his eyeliner. "Oh, babe! Come in! What're you doing just waiting outside?"

"I, uh.." my face turned some shade of red as he looked at me, confused. Why'd he have to be so cute? "I can't do this, Frank."

"You.. what? What do you mean by this?"

"Us, I mean. I can't... handle it. This is my fault, not yours." my voice cracked as I whispered, "I'm sorry."  Frank looked down, blinking hard.

"Oh.. okay.." I stood in the doorway for what seemed like forever. Finally, he looked up at me with reddened eyes, he's obviously holding back tears. "I was going to end it soon anyways, totally was, I just didn't know how you would-"

"My Chemical Romance, report to left stage in two minutes!" Shouted the intercom.

I watched him leave, trying to permanently memorize that last time he looked at me with love in his eyes; the last time he looked at me as his boyfriend. It wasn't that hard.

That night, Frank fumbled on the chords and fucked up quite a bit. I can't say I was any better, sometimes mixing up the words to songs I should've memorized by heart.

Mostly after that, Frank and I hardly talked unless we had to. I'd gotten myself into a relationship with a girl named Lyndsey who played the bass. I didn't know much about Frank that might've happened after that night, so I had no idea how he was doing. All I knew was that he was well enough to come up on stage and preform every other night.

It was September of 2007 when it happened. We were onstage, performing obviously. Everything was as it had normally been since that March day. That is, until Frank all of a sudden jumphugged me and tried kissing me on the cheek, earning joyful screams from the crowd.

In surprise, I jumped back, pushing him away. This resulted into a small- probably very wimpy looking- fight. It didn't last long though. We couldn't continue to fight in front of thousands of people.

At that moment, it hit me. I couldn't leave myself vulnerable to this kind of thing that would get me or Frank teased anymore, I had to do something about this.

After a very long four hours, the show ended and I ran backstage, nearly knocking over my girlfriend, who was clapping and smiling.

"Lindsey, marry me! Right now!" I gasped out. She looked at me weirdly for a moment, but then shrugged.

"That's the most emo thing I've ever heard, but sure, yes, that sounds like a plan."

And four hours after, both of us dressed in our regular clothes, before the band and staff, we got married.

-
Danger Days, is what we decided to call it.

We got the whole theme and setting planned out in our recording room that day. It didn't take long for us to figure something out, it didn't take long for everyone to agree with one thing and leave.

I stayed behind, looking down at my phone. When I looked up, I nearly jumped when I saw Frank in the doorframe, staring.

"Um, can I help you?" He looked down, seeming embarrassed. At this point, we're both married with children. I don't know what he might want.

"Gerard.. Listen, I've been thinking about this. I know.. I know that maybe this isn't the most appropriate thing, but can I.. could I maybe, I don't know, write a song about how I feel? About the whole... you know. I think that's the best way I could- I've just been really depressed and I need something to help me cope.."

To this day, I don't understand why, but I said yes.

-
The song was gorgeous, to say the least. He called it Summertime. It had to go on the album, it was that great.

He wouldn't reveal any meaning to me for a while, though. Not until soon before My Chemical Romance broke up.

Frank called me on a Saturday night, and told me he was ready to talk.

"Gerard.. I.. you know all those things we did together. Yeah, something to do with that, and, uh, I- you see, I.. I know you're not happy in this position, Gerard. I know you didn't want to marry that sudden, and neither did I. I was thinking that maybe, maybe we could possibly try to become something more than friends again. Maybe we could run away, and we can be like we used to be. In love. Nobody would ever have to know, and we could be happy."

That's when I hung up. I have not spoken to Frank since, and sometimes, I regret hanging up the phone.