Music in my Soul

Medicine

Tony couldn't escape. Every time he closed his eyes, the image would return. They were all gone, every person he had ever cared about, ever gotten remotely close to; all dead. He couldn't stop from looking for him, the man that he loved more than he had ever imagined possible. He couldn't stop him from dying, couldn't save any of them and as soon as he opened his eyes he couldn't stop himself.

He needed medicine, that's what he was calling it now. It kept the fear at bay, and it made it look like he wasn't falling apart. 

"It's just the medicine." That's what he would tell his friends when he wasn't focusing during their meetings.

"I'm fine." It's what he would tell Steve when he tried to get him to talk.

"I'll be better after one more." It's what he would tell himself when he couldn't stop.

He needed to be better, he needed to be strong for his team, but he just wasn't himself anymore. He was deteriorating from the outside in. He couldn't even hide it anymore, he was gone.

"Tony?" Steve called as he walked into the armor filled lab, but he paused as soon as he set foot inside.

Everything was in disarray. Tony's suits were lying around, obvious that they haven't been touched in a while. The smell of alcohol was so strong, Steve thought he was inside a brewery; and the worst thing was Tony. He was sitting at his desk, empty scotch and whisky bottles pilled around him. Steve took another tentative step forward, but started to run when he heard a quite sob come out of Tony.

Steve knelt down beside Tony and set a hand on his knee. "Tony?" Steve whispered, trying not to startle him.

Tony lifted his head from his desk and looked at Steve with bleary eyes. He tried to wipe the tears off of his face, but they wouldn't stop spilling from his eyes.

"Tony what's going on?" Steve whispered while brushing Tony's brown hair out of his eyes.

"It's just medicine." Tony's voice broke. "Steve..."

Steve opened up his arms and Tony instantly fell into them. Steve was silent for a while as he let Tony sob in his arms. Steve placed gentle kisses to the top of Tony's head to try and calm him down.

"Tony?" Tony curled up closer to Steve's chest, and buried his head even more. "Tony what's going on?"

"I hurt people Steve." Tony whispered.

Steve frowned. "Tony, we all make mistakes. You created Ultron, but you also created the Vision, and flew a nuke into a giant hole in space saving New York. our actions make us who we are, and the good far out weigh the bad."

Tony was silent for a moment before looking up at Steve. "But I hurt the team, I hurt you Steve."

"Tony I'm fine, I can take care of myself."

"But what if my next mistake is worse? What if I screw up even worse than last time? What if I hurt you?"

"Tony, you have a beautiful brain and heart. Nothing you do is a mistake, sure sometimes things may look a little rough at first, but there will always be a happy ending. Even if you do hurt me Tony, you'll still mean the world to me. You've always meant the world to me. Ever since the first day I met you, I loved your playboy attitude. I loved your smarts and the amazing things you created. I love you Tony, and you can go back to being the man I love and hold so dear in my heart. This isn't you Tony this is what your "medicine" has done. We can start again."

Tony smiled and rubbed his thumb across Steve's cheek. "We can?"

Steve smiled and nodded. "You can still be whoever you want to be."

"I wan't to be yours." Tony whispered before placing a soft kiss to the captains lips. "And I want to be me again."

Steve laughed and kissed Tony's forehead. "That's good because I'm the perfect cure for that." Steve winked and kissed Tony again. "And it's about time you got a cure."