The Unsure

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter 28

"Pow!"

I slap away the nerf dart, and send Emily a glare. She giggles but stops shortly after seeing the bags under my eyes. "Nightmares, again?"

"Yeah" was all I mumble back, opening the fridge.

"About Kim?"

I unscrew the milk jug, the lid slipping between my fingers. "No."

She looks at me with an expression she doesn't wear well. Without hesitation, she pegs me again with a spongey dart.

"Stop that!" I growl, almost dropping my bowl of cereal. A little milk slooshes off the side, dribbling onto my fingers.

"Stop that," she mocks, twirling the gun above her head. "Why don't you, Keith? Quit looking at people like that."

She continues, reloading the gun. "Are you even looking for Kim? You haven't even mentioned her in two days ."

"I can't now. Look for her."

She lowers the gun and raises her brow. "Why not?"

"The cops are already suspecious with me leaving the apartment. If Mrs. Van didn't lie for me, I would have been arrested. They threatened me, Emily."

Emily sighs angerily. "Are you kidding me? You're letting the cops bother you now? After sneaking out twice?"

"Exactly, I snuck out twice. I can't do it again and risk getting caught."

"But what about Kim?"

I bring the spoon to my lips. "I can't do anything, Emily. Not right now. I don't have anymore leads, and-'

Emily shoots a dart at my hand, causing the spoonful of Captain Crunch to walk the plank. I shoot up from my seat, and march over to her to snatch the gun away. She backs away quickly, aiming it at me again. "Really? Are you really that stupid? How can you quit searching? Espically for the girl you love?"

I scowl, shoving my hands out to rip the toy out of hers. She dodges it, making a run towards the couch. Using it as a barrier between us, she shoots me instead with the dirtiest look she can manage. "I know you won't admit it, but you love her. She's changed you, helped you even through your breakup, and yet this is how you repay her? Wake up, Keith, this isn't just another nightmare. It's reality!"

I pause, hand still extended on the intent to grab the gun. Emily looks like she's about to cry from how angry she looks. I haven't seen her look so upset since Mom died.

I take the extended hand up to run it through my hair. Emily lowers the Nerf Gun, and we just stand there for a moment, neither of us looking at each other. She quickly wipes away traitor tear when she thinks I'm not looking.

I swallow the spit that's been building in my mouth and walk over the couch, throwing myself down on it. She sits down besides me, eyes still averted. "Sorry."

I shook my head. "It's okay. I just don't know what to do anymore, Emily."

"You can't stop looking for her," she repeats, lightly kicking the leg of the coffee table. "You have a chance on finding her, no matter how small or big of that chance. You can save her from whatever she's gotten herself into, you can do something about it. It's not like..."

"Like with mom," I finish.

She stops kicking. "Yeah."

Emily can't see it, but I can. Just looking at her, I can see how much resemblence she has to Mom. I don't look much like either of our parents, but with Emily she has her eyes, nose...even attitude. I wonder if it's because Mom isn't here that Emily reminds me so much of her, like Mrs. Van and Kim.

I wrap an arm around my eleven year old sister, giving her a squeeze. She's trying to hide the tears again. "Hey, I miss her too. I bet if she was here she would be saying the same thing."

The corners of her mouth lift but her breathing is uneven. "Yeah, and maybe tell Dad to work less. I mean it's great to have you here, but I wish Dad would be home more often. It's almost as if he died along with Mom.

"I...just want to be a family again," Emily wimpers, the tears finally fall. Just how she covers her mouth when she smiles, she covers it to keep the snobs back.

"I know, Em."

She places her head onto my shoulder, and leans into me with tightly shut eyes. I wonder how much she's kept to herself until now. I've been a shit brother this whole time. She's always had to deal with my emotions, so why didn't I ever return the favor?

I bring her closer, noticing how her hair has outgrown the bob she had. What other things haven't I not noticed? I needed to change that, to be here like she's been for me. For her to feel like a little sister without worrying about having to growing up. Even if we don't have parents, we can still be a family.

"Is that true, Emily?"

We stiffen at the voice, and I was the first to raise my head. Sure enough, Dad stood besides the hallway, dressed at his best for work, suitcase and all. I was sure he had left already but from the way he looks right now, I'm pretty glad he hasn't. Emily's eyes are wide with shock, and her tears won't stop coming as he walks around the couch.

"D-Dad! I thought you--"

"Sweetie, do you really think that?" he says so quietly, looking at her with what I thought he was uncapable of; guilt. "Do you think...I abandoned you and Keith?"

Emily's lower lip quivers and she's trying so hard not to break into a full-out tearfest. She refuses to say anything to his question.

Never have I seen my dad so hurt. I don't even think he looked like this when he found about Mom having the stroke. He drops his suitcase beside him and kneels before Emily, who's covered her whole face with a pillow by now. She's shaking, trying to push it all back in.

My dad removes the pillow, and wearing his Nordstrom suit, brings Emily's head into his chest, wrapping his arms around her. Emily's eyes are wide, and I think of how Kim looked when I held her like that the day I apologized.

"I..I'm so sorry, Emily. I'm so sorry...I've been a terrible dad. A terrible man. How did I not see..,"he chokes up, and hearing the pain in his voice, Emily finally lets out her snobs. She grabs onto his back and cries out years of silence, years of not having her dad around. I see the tears on my dad's cheeks and he cries silently as he really holds Emily for the first time in years.

Why did it take so long? Why did we not tell him, and why did he not see?

My dad turns his blurry eyes to me, the same color ones I have. The ones I always despised. He extends an arm out for me, and I feel something terrible, something weary lift from me. A grudge? A hatred? I look at the hand he has out, wondering how many hands he's shaked, how many promises he's made with it. How many he's broken and yet, wants to repair.

I feel myself shaking, but not out of loathing. I swallow the spit that's built up again, a lump rising. Don't cry in front of this man. Not after...

I bend down beside my dad. He places his hand on my shoulder, the other hand holding onto Emily as if his life finally depended on her. I can't bring myself to hug him, but I smile approvingly as him for the first time. Laying his head on Emily's, he mirrors it, and with a pat, returns the hand to holding her.

Maybe we could be a family with a dad after all.