A Million Pieces
You Kept Me Waiting:
I had known the entire time, which was why I was so persistent. In a single moment everything changed. I couldn't hide that I felt more for her now but I knew feeling that way would only hurt me in the end.
I watched her throw her arms up into the air and cheer while we were on the ferry, the wind blowing past her face and through her hair, the sunset being enough to make her eyes sparkle and her skin glow. I had to take a moment or two just to admire the sight. She looked so happy. I had succeeded.
"What are you doing?" I asked jokingly, acting like I wasn't staring.
"I'm feeling free!" She laughed, closing her eyes at the feeling of the wind on her face.
I wished that was something I could feel. I had felt trapped for so long, going through the same cycle day after day as if I were in a rut. Strangely enough, she changed that for me. With her, I was free again. I was free to go wherever I pleased instead of just wandering the same road, literally. I was finally able to talk and share my heart with someone. I was feeling free now too.
I simply chuckled and threw my arms up to so we were cheering like dorks together. It was strange how alive I felt again while I was with her. I guess she wasn't the only one who needed this day.
"What's your name anyway?" I asked her.
"I'll tell you tomorrow." She smirked.
"So does that mean we'll meet again tomorrow?" I sure hoped we would.
She nodded and smiled cutely, "You better look for me carefully."
I nodded in return. Even though I really did hope and want to see her again tomorrow, I wondered if we really would. I could feel her time ticking and ticking away. She seemed to be okay though. I convinced myself I didn't have to worry yet.
Parting ways had to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do even though I knew I would see her the next day. A part of me didn't want to leave her for countless reasons but I knew I had too. It wasn't like I could just follow her up to her hotel room. Well, I mean I could but it doesn't mean I would just do that.
I was sitting alone again, the nice cooling breeze of the night weather soothing me. I looked at the map she had dropped. I decided I would give it back to her tomorrow. I wouldn't need it anymore after this. I thought about the day all over again, taking in all the wonderful memories I helped her make with her remaining time. I wondered if it would've all happened the same if she had known everything about me from the beginning.
What if she asked more questions about me? What if she looked at my ID card only too see it's dated two years earlier and I never got to renew it? What if I were to show her what was really in the pictures we took together? Or rather, what wasn't really in them.. Me..
She was the first person I had talked to in so long. She was the first person to give me a first look in what felt like an eternity. To feel her shoulder bump mine was the most foreign feeling since it's been so long since I've felt simple things like that. I always wandered past everyone and they wouldn't notice me, only because I wasn't there in their eyes. I wondered why she was the one to change my existence. I now know it was because her time was so limited. She could see me, talk to me, all because she was so close to becoming just like me; gone and alone.
I didn't have to wander along the same street everyday anymore. I was real again. I only had her to thank for that.
I've never been so excited to see a new day. I would be seeing her again soon, just the thought making a skip in my steps. I wondered what we would talk about, what we would see together, and also what her name was. I would have loved it if this existence of mine would give me some sort of advantage of knowing.
I was at the right place at the right time. Shouldn't she be here by now? Maybe she got lost or is just running a little late. I looked around on my own, taking in the beautiful mountains and clear blue skies and appreciating it all. It's been so long since I've done that. For the longest time, I thought being here forever was like a punishment, but it didn't have to be that way. In a way, it was a gift. I had left this world so suddenly, it's nice that I get to see nature's true beauty everyday. It leaves me feeling peaceful, almost as peaceful as I feel when she is with me.
As I sat waiting, a horrible feeling entered me. I was left feeling strangely sad. Something happened, I could feel it deep within myself. I nodded my head, accepting what I knew has happened; the inevitable. At least I got the chance to make her feel happy for a little while. All I could think about was how sorry I felt and slightly shake my head. I knew, like when I first saw her. This time, I didn't have to see her to know. I just knew. She wasn't coming to meet me. I dropped my head in grief.
I never even got to learn her name...
Time passed. I wasn't sure how long since I have no sense of time anymore. Years to me feel like days. So since it felt like days, it must've been years since first took my seat here. I was okay though. I was okay with waiting. I learned how to appreciate my beautiful surroundings, so I was never bored. I appreciated them just as she would do if she were here right now. It wouldn't be long now, at least I thought.
I had no trouble with being patient, it can be hard to find your way back sometimes. Or maybe she just forgot where we were supposed to meet. I chuckled to myself, she would do something like that. She would get lost and go to the wrong place. I have no idea how she was getting around before I met her and took her under my wing.
Just thinking about her kept me feeling content yet excited. I was excited at the thought of seeing her again, but I was also remaining patient. Sometimes I would miss her then thinking about her would make me feel sad, especially since I wasn't there to help her when she passed. I knew I shouldn't have left her, I should've stayed. I wouldn't have been able to save her of course, but I would've been there to help her understand and not be afraid or get lost. We would've been together. Instead, I was left waiting until she finds her way here.
"Excuse me?" I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned and looked up to see her. It didn't feel like years since I've seen her. Seeing her again now, it felt like she never left. She looked the same as when I last saw her; still so beautiful. "Is this where we were supposed to meet?"
"I knew you got lost." I smiled, standing up and making my way around the bench I was sitting on so I could stand in front of her. "Took you long enough."
"If you knew I got lost, why didn't you look for me carefully like I told you?" She pouted. She seemed the same, as if nothing were different between us, as if she hadn't changed at all. It was like she had accepted everything and really was okay with it. I was happy because she was so content with how things were now.
"You probably would've thought I was following you again." I joked which made her laugh too. "You kept me waiting so come, let's continue our touring together."
"You still want to?"
"Of course, a deal's a deal." I smiled, taking her hand in mine. "Just promise me one thing."
"And what's that?"
"Promise not to keep me waiting anymore."
"I promise."
