Rosie's Letter

    "Rosie!" I called as I knocked on her bedroom door. "Rose!"

    We were going to be late for school if she didn't get up now. I refused to be late to school again, one more and it's a detention.

    I knocked on the door violently. "Rosie, I don't care if you're naked, I'm coming in anyway!"

    I opened the door and she was lying still on the floor. I rushed to her side and tried to shake her awake.

    "Rosalin! Rose! Please, speak to me!" I said. I could feel a lump forming in my throat and tears stinging in my eyes.

    She had no pulse and she wasn't breathing. Her hands were cold. On her bed sat an empty bottle of sleeping pills and a dirty razor. Rosalin was wearing her favorite dress, coral with a white sash tied in a careful bow in the back. Her hair was long and perfectly curled. Rosalin's makeup was done with care to perfection. Her lashes were curled, eyes lined, cheeks blushed, lips stained and glossed. She looked like a life-sized doll. She was unmoving like a doll too. The only thing about her that didn't look like a doll was her wrists, sliced up and covered in dried, almost black blood.

    I screamed and sobbed and cried. My parents rushed into the room. Mother collapsed at my side when she realized what had happened. She held Rosalin in her arms, caressing her like an infant. "My baby!" She sobbed, "My perfect, beautiful baby! What have you done? Who made you feel like this was the only option?"

    Father choked back tears as he called 9-1-1. He explained to the operator in a monotonous voice what had happened.

    He came back into Rosalin's room and tried to pull me out. I refused.

    "Autumn, please don't fight with me. Just leave the room," he pleaded.

    "No, Dad. Rosalin is my sister. I want to be with her for as long as I can. I know that won't be very long now, but I need to. I found her and I don't want to leave her. It's not like you're saving me from seeing this. I'm staying with my sister," I said.

    He gave up his argument and went to wait for the ambulance in the living room. It arrived, the paramedics came in, put Rosie in a body bag, lifted her onto gurney, and carefully wheeled her to the ambulance. They brought her to the hospital without the sirens and lights. There was no one to save, so they took their time.

    My parents left the room as they found it, pill bottle and razors still on the bed. I noticed the window was open and a cool breeze was coming in. A piece of notebook paper blew off the desk and fell right in front of me.

    It was a letter, Rosalin's suicide note. It was addressed to me.

Dear Autumn,

    If you're reading this, I've decided on ending my life. I'm addressing this to you because you are the one who understands me the most.    

    Let me set a few things straight, this is not your fault. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. I hope it wasn't you who found me. If it was, I am sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you before I could see you grow up into an adult, see you get married, play with your children, all those things. I just couldn't handle it anymore. The pressure to be perfect was just too much. Get good grades, be popular, stay skinny, always be perfectly polished, dress nicely, don't be a slut, don't be a prude. It's bullshit. I hope you never have this problem.

    If you do, take out this letter and read this paragraph. You, Autumn Marie Arroway, are beautiful. You are good enough. You are smart and kind and have a purpose to be on this planet. Someone loves you. Someone is crazy about you. Never regret something that made you happy at one point. Never give up on your dreams. I am watching you, rooting for you. I will always be with you.

    Tell Mom and Dad that I love them. Tell them that I'm okay now, I'm not suffering where I am. Tell Mom that she is beautiful. Tell Dad that he is strong. Tell them that I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread over the ocean. That way, I can be free. Tell them that I want you to have my dream catchers. Tell them not to preserve my room, as if I'll come back anytime. Because I'm not. I find that tacky and creepy.

    I know suicide doesn't erase the pain. It just gives it to someone else. But, Autumn, I hope you never feel pain like I did. On the outside, I was the perfect student and daughter. On the inside, I was a mess trying to find a way out. This was my only option.

    Remember: I love you. Don't let society get you down. Ask for help if you need it. Never give up like I did.

Love,

Rosalin June Arroway

    A week later, Rosie was cremated like she asked, her dream catchers hung in my room, Mom boxed up her things, and we were on our way to the beach. Rosie's boyfriend, Kyle, and two best friends, Amanda and Kristin, were following us there.

    I climbed out onto the rocks. The ocean roared at high tide and sprayed me. I held the urn containing what was left of my sister. Mom, Dad, Kyles, Amanda, and Kristin climbed onto the rock with me.

    "You should do it, Autumn," Mom said without looking at me. The others nodded in agreement.

    I opened the urn, looked to everyone, and began to send Rosie to the ocean, just like she asked. She was finally free of all the pressure, she was as free and wild as the ocean.