Thunder inside [Teen Wolf - Stiles/Theo]

Thunder inside

For a second the room was illuminated by white light, painting dark shadows along the floor. The raindrops drummed against the window, drowning the outside world in white noise while the room became pitch black again. In the distance the low rumble of the thunder started growing only moments after the lightening, indicating how close the storm has come.

In his mind Stiles still saw his room as it had been for that tiny second. His unmade bed lined up next to the wall. His bookshelf underneath the window. His pin board covered with pictures and newspaper clippings. His desk and chair on the opposite wall. The person standing next to the chair. His posture at ease. His shoulders relaxed. As if he belonged here.

"What are you doing here, Theo? What do you want?"

Slowly the body turned around. Even in the darkness of the middle of the night Stiles could see the upturned right corner of Theo's lips. What was this bastard smiling about?

"I told you what I want, Stiles. I want you."

"Bullshit! I have no interest in becoming one of your little muppets!"

Stiles instinctively stepped back when Theo took a step towards him.

"You would never be like them! No, Stiles, I want your brilliant mind, I want your anger, I want your rage! I want that dark side in you that you try to keep hiding."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Stiles said while trying to be nonchalant about it. A nervous laughter escaped him. "I'm not like that. That was all Nogitsune!"

"Don't lie to yourself, Stiles!"

Theo took another step towards Stiles who now stood with his back pressed against the wall. His heart was beating way too fast with Theo standing only centimeters away from him.

"You know there is a dark side inside of you. Always has been. This rage hasn't started with the Nogitsune. It has been there in kindergarten, in elementary school, all through high school. It has been there fighting alongside your friends, growing up with your dad. Even your mum had seen the dark side of you."

Stiles neck popped when his head whipped up so fast his spine almost snapped.

"How do you-"

His hands came up against Theo's torso stopping the other boy when he stepped even closer, now pressing into Stiles with his whole body.

"Your mum had seen what you were trying to hide. She had seen your darkness."

Anger started to burn inside of Stiles, racing through his veins, clouding his mind.

"Leave my mother out of this! She had been sick. She didn't know what she was talking about!"

"Oh, didn't she?"

Another lightening lit up the room showing Stiles how close Theo's face was to his. He could hear the other boy breathing. He felt the strong heartbeat underneath his fisted hands, felt the tension in the strong muscles. What was happening?

"How do know of this anyway? Nobody knows of this. Not even my-"

"Not even your so-called friends? Opposed to your 'friends' I listen to you. I watch out for you. I care for you."

"My friends care for me," Stiles hissed though his heart stumbled for a second.

"Oh really? Like Scott, who didn't even believe you? Or Lydia, who only comes to you when she needs something from you but never just as a friend? Or Kira, who never even talks to you if it is not beneficial for Scott? Who else? Malia? Who hasn't talked to you about anything important, like her mother, even though she was your girlfriend? Those friends? Wake up, Stiles! They are not your friends! THEY don't care for you! I do!"

Stiles didn't want to listen to this. He didn't want to hear Theo's accusations. He didn't want to hear from someone else the things he had realized on his own a long time ago. If someone said it out loud, he couldn't pretend anymore. He couldn't pretend that he was a full, accepted member in Scott's pack. He couldn't pretend that his friends cared and worried for him, that they even realized that something was wrong with him. He couldn't pretend that he was more than a convenient researcher.

Stiles closed his eyes trying to block out Theo's presence. He tried to keep his feelings under control while Theo destroyed one hard-built wall after another. His mind was screaming 'yes, yes, YES' to all the things Theo said while his heart clung to the good memories he had had with his friends. A storm was raging inside his body. Everything was chaos. And strengthened from his inner turmoil a part of him, hidden in the deepest corner of his being, unshackled its chains and finally broke free. Racing through his body like it had been waiting to do so since the day Stiles was born.

"Derek-," Stiles tried one last time.

"Oh, I heard of this 'Derek'. The guy who wouldn't have even acknowledged you if you hadn't been associated with Scott. Is that really who you want to be, Stiles? Look at me!"

And Stiles did.

"Do you really just want to be the sidekick everyone tolerates but no one likes? Do you really want to be ignored until someone needs something from you? Do you really want to hide who you really are?"

Theo hands had gripped Stiles face on either side forcing him to look at Theo, to listen. Theo's eyes were burning into Stiles. With every word the other boy said, Stiles could see the truth in his eyes. He could feel Theo's breath with his lips only millimeters from Stiles'.

"I don't want you to hide! I see you! I listen to you. I care for you! I don't need a smart brain or a researcher. I want YOU! The real you! Not some lesser version of you. So let that darkness come out! Become this great person that you are supposed to be! Become the real you! Become void Stiles! Because that's who I want. I. Want. You."

And with that last word, spoken so earnest like no one had ever spoken to him, Stiles let all his guards down. He let this dark, perfect storm rage through him. All his restrained feelings, all his hidden thoughts. He would not keep them behind closed walls anymore. He was void and always has been. But he also wasn't void because he was filled with rage and darkness. He wasn't a good person. He had always tried. For his father. For his friends. But he wasn't. Never had been. And now that his friends, even his longest and best friend, had dropped him, he didn't care anymore. He had no reason to be good anymore. He could be who he truly was.

Stiles pulled on Theo's shirt, closing the last millimeters between their mouths. He kissed him hard, full of passion. He felt Theo's smile while he was pressed against the wall but Stiles didn't care. The kiss quieted the storm inside of him. Like a distant rumble it became more and more muted. His heartbeat raced and his blood was pressed through his veins but his mind was at peace.

He knew who he was. And he knew where he belonged.