Broken Promises

Chapter 1

The days dragged in slowly. I felt so weak, I could barely move. I just lay there staring at the plain, white wall of my room. The pain surrounded me like a cold shroud. I couldn't stop thinking about Blake but every time I did, I felt like someone shot me. I was struggling to get out of this big, black hole of torture. I kept falling but I never reached the bottom.

I ignored what was going on around me. It was like I was living in my own world where I was the only person alive. I was drowning but I couldn't swim up to the surface of the wild sea. I wasn't strong enough. I felt so small. I didn't see any reason continuing with a life like this. A life without Blake. The meaning of it was gone. It was now an empty shell. 

This went on for days. My mum kept coming in and out of my room, trying to get her daughter back but all the words she was saying sounded like they were in a foreign language. I couldn't get myself to pay attention. I knew that nothing she could say would make things better. I didn't want to hear those comforting words I didn't want everyone to feel sorry for me. Why wouldn't they all just leave me alone? I already felt alone, anyway.

Lucy also kept visiting me. She talked to my lifeless body and she tried to act like nothing happened. She was talking about celebrities, school and even about what happened in the latest episode of our favourite tv show. This happened every day for almost a week but then one day, something changed.  She was different. I didn't look at her but I could feel it.

"So... I watched Pretty little liars yesterday and they finally revealed who A is.." Her voice was quivering. "Cassie..." She sighed. "I can't watch you suffer anymore. This has been going on for days. You just keep staring lifelessly at that wall." Her voice broke, "I miss you... I want my best friend back. I... I need you. Please come back to me."

It was so painful to listen to those words. I felt a piercing pain somewhere deep in my chest. I didn't even realise that I started crying. My friend, the girl who was always happy and positive was now broken and it was all because of me. I knew she wanted me to react somehow but I couldn't. It was like the words were trapped inside me. Like I couldn't get my body to listen to me. 

"Blake's funeral is tomorrow. His mum decided that it would be best if they spread the ashes on the beach."

Blake loved the beach. We always went there and we sat on the big rocks, just watching the sun set into the deep sea. It was so beautiful, almost magical. His mum made the right choice. It was clear she knew her son very well. 

"It's going to be at 6 pm." She carefully placed a card in front of me. "It's up to you if you go or not." She carefully got up from the bed. "And I'm sure everyone will understand if you don't go." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it just before letting go and leaving me alone in my room again.

Something deep inside me told me I had to go. This was my last chance to say goodbye. With the last of my strength, I lifted the sky-blue card that Lucy left behind. My arm felt so heavy.  In the middle of it was a photo of Blake. It was a photo from his 17th birthday. The memory made me tear up. I realised that that was his last birthday he'd ever experience. He will never get married, have children, grow old.

Above the photo, it said, "In the Loving Memory of Blake Bailey" in silver joint lettering. Under the photo, it had the date "11th November". I stared at the date. 

"It can't be the 11th November already," I thought to myself. It was supposed to be our two year anniversary. I stared at the date in disbelief not being able to believe that his funeral was on the exact same date.

I still remember the day when it happened. Our first date. I took ages getting ready, making sure everything was perfect. My long fawn hair was curled out. My makeup was simple, I put on some mascara, blusher and strawberry lip gloss. I wore this burgundy dress with golden accessories and a pair of black heels that killed my feet but I was willing to do anything to look good for him. I always put fashion above comfort. I sprayed myself with a sweet perfume and waited for him to come and pick me up. I only waited 10 minutes but it felt like hours. The nerves made the time pass so slowly.