How to Say 사랑해 Out Loud

Chapter 7

I don't know what to expect to happen on Monday, as I sit in my car until the last possible moment, wanting to go to homeroom.

It's not like the initials "S.S." have been stitched onto my shirt, revealing my identity as Sangmoon's Sister to everyone. It's hardly like anyone's putting up a banner in the lobby welcoming him to Seoul Performing Arts High School. I don't think anyone plans to announce his arrival, but . . . circumspection isn't really Sangmoon's thing.

I sigh and climb out of my car, closing the door and shaking my head as I walk toward the building. Sangmoon's transition to Seoul Performing Arts isn't my problem. I think it's a terrible idea to begin with, but it's not my job to worry if he'll survive the day. He has a one-on-one aide for that, someone who must have the patience of a saint, who agreed to follow him from Incheon back to province placement.

Her name is Jimin. It's Jimin's sole responsibility to keep Sangmoon happy and contained, and to keep him from disrupting other students. She maintains his comprehensive binder of strategies and behavior plans. I really hope she's good at her job.

Even knowing that Jimin accompanied Sangmoon on the short bus to school this morning, I brace myself as I walk into the empty lobby, expecting to hear yelling from some distant part of the building. Sangmoon doesn't like new places and he hasn't been forced to attend school in almost a week. If either of these realizations crosses his mind, I'm sure I'll be able to hear his screams from the farthest room in school.

In fact, as I stand in the empty lobby, I'm half convinced I do hear him, that there's a phantom ringing in my ears I can never quite escape, knowing he's on the campus. Eager for distraction, I hurried toward the junior homerooms. I take a quick moment to give thanks that my part of the building is far, far away from the cooking classes, which has been converted into a makeshift classroom for my brother and his few classmates.

But physical distance doesn't grant peace of mind, and I'm on the edge all day. Even though I don't spent a single second with my brother, I have the same feeling I do when my family is out in public. Exposed. Vulnerable. On edge. I take long paths around the breezeways of the school, on high alert for the screaming, arriving two classes late and earning pointed looks from teachers. It's only the fifth day of school, after all.

I almost welcome our exhausting hockey practice. I know that Sangmoon is tucked away safetly at home, and beating my body into the ground provides a strangely welcome alternative to the mental stress I subjected myself all day.

As I climb back into my car to head home, I notice a bag of grapes, my fave, on the passenger seat. Curious, I open the small tag attached, finding Eomma's handwriting inside.

 Thanks for being a good sport about this - Appa and I think you're reall "grape." It will all work out soon.

I clinge and set my gym bag beside the bag of grapes. If she just left well enough alone, I may have smiled at her stupid pun. But she had to go and add a false promise.

My day have been hell, and all I have to show for it is a single line crossing off one day in my agenda. One down, fifty-nine days to go. This isn't working out at all.

v(^_^)v . . . v(^_^)v

A very short update! I might update tomorrow, spolier alert!

Sangmoon will get distract the students nearby and Suzy will help him calm down somehow.