My Forever (Rowaelin Fanfiction)

Chapter Seven

Rowan Whitethorn thought he was the master of emotions. He had felt joy, pain, grief, fear, and he learned how to control all these things. But he hadn't been able to control it in front of Aelin.

Aelin Galathynius might as well be the bane of his existence. The triggers to everything in his life. She brought him joy and happiness. But she brought him suffering as well. His heart hurt so much right now, he didn't think he could live any longer. His hawk form perched on a rooftop, and just for the briefest of seconds, he considered never returning to the palace. Never seeing Aelin again. But that would be pointless. It would hurt even more than what he was feeling right now. It would hurt so much that Rowan knew it would eventually drive him insane.

Love is a cruel thing. It had been his downfall once, hundreds of years ago, and it would be his downfall now. He could pretend he was the master of emotions all he wanted, but at the end of the day, Rowan knew he was a goner when it came to Aelin.

So he returned. It was almost midnight when he did, and he could scent Aelin on their bed when he swept inside and shifted back. He stiffened when he realised she was awake, but he slipped under the covers anyway. She had apologised, and so he would too.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into the night. Aelin tensed, and then spun around to face him.

"For what? I should be the one apologising."

"You already apologised, Fireheart," Rowan smiled weakly and reached to push her hair back, but thought better of it and let his hand fall. Aelin's eyes flew to his fallen hand and frowned.

"Rowan-"

"I'm selfish," he blurted out.

Her eyebrows shot up. "I know."

He fought back the urge to laugh at such a moment like this. "No, you really don't. You only see the better parts of it. You haven't seen the worst parts yet. I think I've realised that contrary to our beliefs, we really haven't seen very much of each other."

"Just the surface?"

"Just the surface. We'll have forever to uncover everything."

"I like the sound of that."

"I'm selfish, Aelin," he sighed, closing his eyes. "Honestly, why do you think I try to steer you away from the captain so much? Even from Dorian, during our first week here. I say it's because you're a queen, but that's only a small fraction of the reason why."

He felt Aelin's fingers touch his cheek gently, and Rowan sighed in content. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You should hate me for it. I knew you could never love me back. Why did I have to stop you from seeking out other people?"

"Because you're a territorial Fae bastard," she replied, and his eyes flew open, sparkling in the dark. Aelin was smiling. "I knew it wasn't just because I was a queen. But I didn't realise it was because you...loved me. Not in that way."

It was weird having her say it out loud. It made it all the more real. For her to know...finally know...it felt good. Except for the part where she didn't return his feelings.

"Sometimes I think you must've known. I wasn't being absolutely discreet about it."

"We're all blind to the things that truly matter," she whispered, her fingers continuing to caress his tattooed cheek. "I just realised this when you left. I've been so blind. So blind."

"Don't blame yourself."

"I do."

"Please don't," Rowan's voice was pained. He never wanted Aelin to blame herself for something that was so clearly his fault.