Wrong

Jack (How To Save A Life)

To the lyrics of How To Save A Life by The Fray

Step one, you say we need to talk
He walks, you say sit down, it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left, and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

I'm being forced to go to and talk to someone now. I don't want to. I am Jack and I am sixteen years old. My best friend is, I mean, was Lindsey. She killed herself last month. Lindsey was born with a defect where one leg didn't fully form. She only had down to her left ankle. She was bullied and teased nonstop because of this and last month it all got to be too much so she took a razor and ended her miserable life. I'm now being forced to talk to this person since I've barely eaten anything or smiled in the past month. But how can I smile after what I let happen?

Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

You used to call me up at midnight to tell me when you got these bad thoughts. What happened, Lindsey? What did I do that you couldn't come to me this time? This was the worst time there was and I know because this was the last time there will ever be. Why couldn't you let me be there for you this time where you needed it the most? What did I do? I'm sorry for whatever I did. Do you forgive me now that your gone? What's wrong with me? Why was there something wrong with me?

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you

This person I'm talking too is going through all the steps of the grieving process. He's telling me what I need to do. I hear him, I manage to hear him, but I refuse to listen. I know he knows better than I do, but frankly I don't care. He can't tell me why you felt you couldn't go to me on the night you truly needed too.

Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

You couldn't come to me. That's really starting to sink in, Lindsey. I wasn't enough. I'm not enough. I'll never be able to be enough now. I really only ever wanted to be enough for you. When they found the note, and thank you for at least leaving me a note, they showed me it. There was a section written to me specifically. You said in it that I helped you through everything and you felt bad for burden on me with your problems but I didn't mind at all. You said you knew that I could never feel for you the way you felt for me after all you have pored onto me about yourself but the truth is I have always felt so strongly for you. The one thing you never explained to me was the thing that will always haunt me. What's wrong with me? Why am I not enough?

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

I yelled at this man to stop. I want this man to stop. Why won't this man stop? I don't want to move on! Lindsey was my best friend! She is my best friend! I don't care anymore. I don't care about anything anymore. All this man tells me is in one ear and out the other. There are two things I can do. I can move on and accept what happened, or I can go home more broken then before. Everyone tells me I need to move on "because it's what Lindsey would've wanted" but they don't know what she wants. They don't know what she wanted. They don't know why I wasn't enough for her. Why would she want me to move on anyway? To say I told you so? To prove to her that she could've gotten past her hardships by getting past mine? No. Lindsey is the strongest person I know. She was the strongest person I knew. If she couldn't get past her troubles, how can I?

Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

I have made my decision out of my two choices. I refuse to move on. Lindsey, I hope where ever I go I end up with you. There is no meaning left for me on this Earth. I'm sorry that you couldn't come to me. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. There is truly something wrong with me because I let you go. I will try to find you. I hope we can be happy together wherever you are. I hope wherever you are is wherever I'm going.

That night Jack did what Lindsey did one month ago. He locked himself in the bathroom and took a bottle of his sister's prescription medication. He lived for another month while in a coma. After that he woke up. He tried again to get help, but again it didn't work. He cut himself this time, until he bled out in his bathroom.