A Beautiful Mess

Chapter 5

It felt surreal as I woke up that morning, like the downward spiral of my life with Clarke had been put on pause. But as I woke up, the quiet and loneliness surrounded me. For the first time in five months we didn't spend the night together. After I spent an hour changing and feeding Aries, Clarke came by to see him at my cabin but she left faster than she came. She wouldn't look me in the eyes, she played with Aries and then said see you tomorrow. There was tension between us now.

Tension I had caused.

I wouldn't deny her access to my son. I wanted him to have more people in his life than I did growing up. But I knew that he couldn't look to her as his mother. I couldn't let them get that close until I figured out what was happening between us. I wanted it to be real, I wanted us to be an us instead of just Bellamy and Clarke playing house.

But I had to find the courage to get there.

Aries cried from his crib. I picked him up as Octavia opened the door, "hey Bell."

"Hey," I nodded at her as I settled my son. I set him back on the ground as I looked at my sister, "what's up?"

"I hear you and a certain princess had a fight," she sat down in the floor with her nephew and started playing with him.

I sighed, "we didn't fight. We just realized we might have different priorities."

"Please," she rolled her eyes, "you two both want to get with each other. So your priorities are the same. Maybe if you both stop being babies and admit your feelings, you wouldn't fight so much. Plus that pent up tension could do wonders for you in the bedroom."

I shook my head ignoring her crude words, "look Octavia I don't need your advice. I have my hands full with Aries and it's not the right time. Clarke clearly isn't interested. Since she's seeing multiple guys around camp."

"She's not seeing anyone," Octavia muttered as she grabbed Aries hands and shook them. She laughed as he giggled back at her, "she was too busy helping you when you clearly didn't need the help to begin with. We both know no one else would've let you move into their cabin to raise a child that wasn't theirs Bellamy. If you owe her anything it's an apology."

I sighed, "I really don't feel like getting a lecture right now, especially not from you. So if you came over for another reason, can you please get there? I don't want to talk about Clarke okay? It's just not going to happen, not right now."

"If now isn't the right time than when will be right Bell? This is earth, time is precious here we all know that. Which means you need to decide what you want and claim it. Because you'll regret it when it's too late."

Octavia turned her attention back to Aries as I thought about what she said. Leave it to my little sister to stick her nose where it doesn't belong and actually have a valid point. I groaned as I clasped my hands behind my head and thought about what she said. I knew she was right. We had limited time to be together. There was a new threat, a new war every week. I wanted Clarke. Deep down in my soul I knew she was the one for me.

But I couldn't bare the thought of taking that chance and end up losing her as my friend. I lost her once before, I wasn't ready to lose her again.

Then again last night I had pushed her away pretty hard. I opened my eyes and looked at the little boy sitting on the floor. He deserved better than me. He deserved a happy family with siblings and two parents. Even if one of them wasn't related by blood. He deserved a world that was at peace. I bit my lip, wondering how I would give him everything I never thought we could ever have down here.

Aries noticed his aunt smiling at him as she kept swinging his arms. He gave her a toothless smile before giggling loudly, "hi! Hi!"

We both stopped and looked at him sitting there. All the anger and frustration I had been feeling for the past two days went out the window. He just said his first word. Aries just said hi to Octavia and we were both here to witness it.