I'll Be The Anchor - Michael Clifford

Slowly Fade and Fall Apart

After about an hour of my comotose state, I remembered the envelope that Michael had passed to me as a final goodbye. He'd asked me not to open it in his presence. It scared the hell out of me. I didn't want to open it. I didn't want to read the words I knew I'd find.

The worlds about how great touring was but that he was done. That he didn't want to deal with me anymore.

The same words that Harry had left me with.

It terrified me that it was all history repeating.

The older man sitting next to me must have thought I was insane. All the crying, all the carrying on, all the upset teenage girl stuff. I hadn't said a word to him, and he had his nose stuck in a book. 

I ran my finger tips around the edges of the envelope, I was apprehensive of opening but I knew if I waited any longer to do it I'd regret it.

I gently opened the envelope, so I'd be able to neatly place the letter back into it when I was done reading.

I pulled out a crude piece of notebook paper, I began reading.

Lennon,

     I am so glad it was you that walked into that arena day one. I felt myself fading away at the beginning of the tour. I felt like a shell of myself. I don't know that I can actually put a finger on the source of that saddness but I can tell you that you are the source of my happiness. There was a complete change in the way that I felt as soon as you walked into our lives. Of course, it wasn't immediate but every single moment spent with you was a bright one. I have so much to thank you for.

     I know you're worried about staying in touch with me. I know you're scared to death. I am too. I can't say that this is going to be easy. I can't promise you forever. It tears me up when I tell you that.

     I'm sending you this letter to ask you for one favour. 

     Come to Australia. Taped to the inside of the envelope is a ticket for a flight, Atlanta to Sydney. 

     It doesn't have a date. That's for you to determine. 

     Just tell me you'll come. I want to show you my world. I want you to be around. I can promise you that I'll be in the Sydney your entire second quarter of school. I've checked everything out. I'll be recording, but I want you with me. I want to try this our again. 

     Please give me a response soon.

     I love you so much, I miss you already, and I hope that you'll take the ticket and come to me in a few months.

     Love,

     Michael Clifford.

I looked into the envelope once again, there was a ticket taped to the side. I hadn't noticed before. Michael sure was stealthy. 

I didn't really know what to think. I tried my best to put every thought in my mind to rest when I laid my head on the headrest and shut my eyes. I wasn't going to worry about things I couldn't change at this moment.

I'd landed in Atlanta before too long, taking the transit system to my apartment. Walking up several steps with my luggage and making my way into my small bedroom. I noticed I hadn't even made the bed since Michael and I had spent the night in it. I look around the room at all the photos, momentos of my life. 

I needed photos of Michael and I to add to the collection.

Another memory along with all the others that I loved and had left. 

As I looked into one of the pictures of my friend that passed away from cancer far too early I remember something that she always said.

"If it hurts to lose, it was worth everything. If you can get it back, try your hardest. If you get it back, don't let go." 

She always said it was something that her mother had told her as a girl. 

I knew it was true. 

I knew I needed to do whatever I could to be with Michael.

But I had so much going for myself in the city. I couldn't just pack up and follow his band around with no salary, no future plans...

Then it dawned on me. There was something I could do.