Chapter Five

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I haven't made an update in a while! Sorry! I'm in love with this fanfic and I'd like to see what some of you would like to see. This is a different kind of fanfiction because it combines Marhinki and Nohinki together to make a drama full and sad but also romantic and dirty story and I love it. Sorry for the detour!!

Sohinki's POV

I fucked up. I fucked up badly.

Not only did I upset Mari but I screwed up once she left. I decided to go back to Noah's room and apologize.

Inside of his room, I felt awkward and out of place. He was so much younger and he pretty much a fragile porcelain doll that you could break so easily. He didn't notice me and didn't look up from his feet when I sat down next to him on his bed.

"Hey," I said, placing my hand on his shoulder, scared of hurting him, "I'm sorry for this morning."

He shrugged and wiped at his eyes and I knew he was very upset and I felt very bad. I had so much emotions going through me and I hated it.

One second I loved Noah and another I wanted to see Noah burn in fire. I was like an adolescent girl falling in love with a boy and I knew that whatever was going on with me sucked and it was abnormal. I wasn't suppose to have such emotions circling through my veins. I just wasn't.

"Really, I'm sorry, Noah," I said and felt bad when I saw a tear stream down his cheek. "I didn't mean to fuck with you like that. I like you and Mari doesn't know what she was talking about. But, I love Mari and there's a big difference between like and love. You're like a child compared to me and it's weird. But I like you and I always will."

Then I looked at my feet and felt like my world was crashing down on me and it sucked so much. And then I felt Noah's hand push my head up and I saw the same twinkle I saw in Mari's eyes in his eyes. Then I felt his lips crush against mine for real this time and I liked it hut I didn't love it completely. It was okay but it didn't make me feel the way I felt when Mari kissed me.

It was all too quick and afterwards, it left me feeling confused. I had wanted this. I had wanted for Noah to kiss me without his two thumbs in the way but now that I got what I wanted, I wasn't impressed. I didn't feel like it was the best kiss I'd ever had, no that was with Mari, and it just felt awkward like your first kiss in seventh grade. It felt like I was a molester and I really didn't like that kiss.

"Sorry," Noah said, blushing and looking back down at his feet. He still had a twinkle in his eyes but he also had tears. This made me feel guilty for not enjoying the kiss but how was I supposed to? How was I supposed to enjoy a kiss I didn't? God, this whole situation was the definition of confusing.

I tried to not act mean but I couldn't not be truthful and the truth was mean.

"You shouldn't be sorry, Noah," I said, trying to be nice but it just came out fake, "I should. And I am sorry but I lied. What Mari told you was the truth. I'm not interested in you anymore. That kiss, well, it was better with your thumbs in the way. And I feel bad just saying that but it's the truth, Noah. I love Mari and like she said, I can't let you get in the way because if I do, you'll just be an obstacle blocking our way. And you don't want that. Sorry but it's the truth." Then I stood up and left, leaving Noah to himself. And what hurt the most was that when I left, he whispered, "Matthew," and his voice cracked as if he was about to cry. That just tore me up.

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