u n r e q u i t e d • b o o k o n e ✓

four

We both sat down on my bed, dry, fully clothed, and facing opposite ways.

"I should go," you spoke up.

Go where? To her? Okay. You always do.

"This is the second time in a day," I began.

I felt the bed shake as you shifted towards me.

"What's that supposed to mean Theena?"

I shrugged and continued to stare at the wall.

"Theena," you said my name again.

I wished you'd stop talking.

"Answer me this; why her? Why? I've asked you that multiple times before and some how you always find a way to manipulate me into forgetting the question."

Silence was the reply I had gotten.

"Theena−"

I cut you off. "ANSWER ME!"

You sighed and drew in a deep breath. I didn't expect you to tell me, but it seemed you were going to.

"I was nineteen. She was my first love. Sophia, that was her name."

I know you fool.

"Theena, she broke my heart. Without her I thought that I wouldn't be able to live anymore. After a few months of dragging myself around I walked into this bar," you paused and choked back a cry.

I stared at you blankly, confusedly.

"I saw a girl sitting alone, drinking a beer. She was crying her heart out. With out hesitation I walked over and took a seat on the stool next to her. She looked at me with a tear stained face. I looked right back at her. She had told me that her dad died just the night before. Lung cancer, it had been."

It was then that I wanted to reach over and choke the life out of you.

You continued. "With in an hour she had told me her life story. Me. A stranger. It was then that I realized that girl was the only person who could make me forget about Sophia, even if it was only for a temporary amount of time."

I had begun to cry as soon as you had said the part where you had found a girl crying at a bar, because that girl was me. I was the girl who could make you forget about her. I was the girl in a state of vulnerability who you had targeted as your rebound. You used me. You used me to get rid of your ache. And you were using me now.

"You used me for three years," I cried out.

"I thought that I could fall in love with you Theena! I really did! At one point of time I truly thought that I was in love with you!"

You leaned over and brushed a stray tear away from my eye.

"Don't cry Thee, not over this," you whispered.

"You're shitting me right? So what? After three years you finally saw her again? And magically you two got back together? And suddenly you left me?"

"It wasn't like that..." you mumbled.

"It was! You left me, you left me without a question! For her! Who I know now as your first love! I guess I'm a hypocrite, because you're doing what I'm doing now; letting your first love use you!"

I felt you freeze up.

"She's not using me."

I raised an eyebrow and turned to look into your glossy eyes.

"Then why do you keep coming to me when things go wrong with her?!"

"For the same reason you keep letting me in! Because I can't seem to let you go!"

My eyes flashed in anger at your words.

"Shut up! Shut the hell up okay! You know what? I have never been so angry before! I'm looking at you and all I can see is red! You've hurt me so badly I don't think I'll ever forgive you! I love you so much that I can't hate you! And if I could I would hate you forever for the way you've treated me! You messed up my life! I'll always look at you in red!"