TO LOVE IS TO HATE

TO LOVE IS TO HATE YOU

Hello guys, it's really my first time writing on here. I just wanted some inspiration I suppose, so I went back to an old memory since it was an emotional time like any break up. I haven't written in 2 years & I feel I need a lot of work and practice lol. I just expressed how I felt and feel, I wasn't really trying but just trying to get some creativity flowing. Thank you for reading ! & feel free to leave a comment ! Also happy valentines day guys, hope you all have a great weekend !

TO LOVE IS TO HATE CAUSE WHEN I LOVED YOU, I HATED MYSELF. I HATED MY SELF FOR LOVING YOU MORE THEN I COULD LOVE MYSELF. I HATED MYSELF FOR TRYING MY BEST TO PLEASE YOU. I HATED MYSELF FOR EVEN THINKING THERE WAS A SLIGHT POSSIBILITY THAT SOMEWHERE IN THE REAL WORLD THERE WAS A CHANCE FOR A HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THAT MAYBE, NO MATTER HOW SCREWED UP WE WERE, JUST MAYBE WE HAD A CHANCE. I HATE THAT I JUST TRIED SO HARD, LIKE A DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE TRYING TO MAKE HER MARRIAGE WORK. I HATE THAT I HATED MYSELF BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE YOU HATED ME. DURING THE END IT WAS LIKE A WORLD FULL OF AGONIZING DESPAIR, FULL OF QUESTIONS AND WORRY AND SO MUCH KNOTS JUST KNOCKING ON MY STOMACH. WHAT WILL BECOME OF US? WAS I REALLY NOT WORTH IT? IS HE REALLY WHAT EVERYONE SAYS HE IS? I HATE YOU FOR TORTURING ME. YOU LOVED HAVING THE UPPER HAND, YOU LOVED YOUR WICKED LITTLE GAMES, YOU LOVED SEEING ME ON MY KNEES FOR YOU.EVERY.CHANCE.YOU.GOT. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU FOR LEAVING ME ON THE STREET ALL ALONE. I HATE YOU FOR THINKING YOUR BETTER THEN ME. I HATE YOUR LIES. I HATE YOUR DARK LONELY EYES. I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOUR EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO STAY AWAY FROM. 

WHATS WRONG WITH ME? I HATE YOU FOR ALL THAT I'VE LOST BY BEING WITH YOU. YOU'VE MADE ME QUESTION MYSELF, CALLED ME CRAZY. I'VE LOST MYSELF AND IT'S SCARY... I'VE LOST MY PURITY, MY INNOCENCE, MY MOTIVATION, MY HEART, MY REASON FOR BELIEVING THAT LOVE WAS REAL AND PURE. I HATE THAT I THOUGHT MY LIFE REALLY REVOLVED AROUND YOU..THAT WITHOUT YOU, THERE WAS NO ME. I HATE WHAT YOU'VE MADE ME INTO, SCULPTED ME INTO ANOTHER VERSION OF YOURSELF AND BRANDED ME WITH YOUR NAME TO SHOW OFF ON DISPLAY. YOU'VE MOCKED ME SECRETLY FOR SUCH A LONG TIME. YOU'VE BETRAYED MY TRUST ONE TIME TOO MANY. NOT ONLY MINE, BUT HERS AS WELL. SHOULD I BE THE ONE CALLED A FOOL? OR SHOULD SHE? OF COURSE NOT YOU, BECAUSE YOU WERE THE WICKED BRILLIANT MASTER MIND. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU BECAUSE I LOVED YOU. 

BUT I LOVE YOU. 

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I GAVE UP MY INNOCENCE FOR YOU AND MY LOVE, I'VE BECAME STRONGER. WE'VE CIRCLED EACH OTHER FOR YEARS. BACK AND FORTH, BACK AND FORTH, LIKE NEWTONS CRADLE. I'VE GROWN, AND MATURED. I'VE FINALLY BEEN ABLE TO AIR OUT MY DARK AND LONELY ROOM, AND LET SUN SHINE. I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME A GLIPSE OF REALITY. YOU GAVE ME A HEAD START ON WHAT I DONT WANT IN A MAN. YOU'VE MADE ME REALIZE I WAS TOO YOUNG FOR LOVE. AND I SHOULD NEVER FIGHT, CRY, OR STRESS OVER A MAN WHO ISNT STRESSING ME. I LOVED YOU, ONCE BUT NEVER AGAIN. BUT I THANK YOU FOR TRYING.