The Test Subject : A Detective Conan Fanfiction

39 To Bring, Or Not To Bring

Scorpion's POV

I walked down the lone dirt road, kicking a stone as I went. This is the perfect opportunity to complete my mission!! But... I don't like shooting people...

Gin said I would get over it by the next day. It's been 2 and I still can't stop thinking I'm a monster. Then to make it worse, Conan goes and rubs it in. DO YOU THINK I ENJOYED THAT?!?! I've been trying to say it's fine, no one cares about background characters anyways, but still... I looked at my hands. How could I? How could I do that and just ignore it?

Calm down. Don't worry about that now. Worry about this meeting.

I looked up at the dark abandoned apartment building before me. A place away from the city. A place no one will ever find. A place I can stay, and let me be me.

I opened the door to my house. Despite the outside's haunted appearance, I am proud to say I got the inside to look semi-normal. It's not much, but it's all the necessities.

My apartment is on the second floor and is made up of 3 rooms plus a hallway - a kitchen, a bedroom, and a bathroom. (I have Akako to thank for the magic plumbing and electricity.)

The whole house is lined with faded gray wallpaper peeling off the walls. I repainted it blue a while ago, which made it look a lot better, but a few patches of the old ugly stuff still show in the corners.

In the bedroom there is a queen-sized bed in one corner, a desk in another, a bookshelf across from that, and a closet in the last. On the desk is an alarm clock and my laptop, which is used for connecting to the organisation's main base and a few members I work with. The bookshelf is crammed with dusty "how to" books on everything I've ever needed to know for missions. The closet has my 2 work uniforms, a few disguises, but mostly average every-day clothes. Under my bed is a camouflaged trap door where I keep my most secret things. The suitcase and piggy-bank are filled with belongings that allow me to go "on the run" at a minutes notice. Then there's the safe.

The safe is so important it's in a secret room in the secret room. It's 10 locks change every day each at a different time, except the last one which requires my fingerprints. All of them. What is in this sacred box must NEVER be found. If it EVER fell into the hands of ANYONE then the world might as well blow up. What is in it, I can not tell you. But it is dangerous. VERY VERY dangerous. ONLY I can use it. As far as EVERYONE is concerned, this technology DOES NOT exist and NEVER will. Even the organisation doesn't know I have it. They'll NEVER know. EVER.

The kitchen and bathroom are normal enough compared to said bedroom, and the hall way is really just a small space connecting everything to everything else. There is a single picture on the wall that hides my gun and other equipment. It doesn't even have one measly lock. As far as I care, steal it all. If you dare.

Speaking of guns...

I'm still not sure if I want to bring one or not. By now I'm starting to wonder if Ellie is stupid enough to run up to me, take it out of my hands, and shoot herself for me. I might as well bring a knife if that's the case. No, she would never do that. Would she?

Even if it was a knife I would still have a hard time knocking the final blow. My mind began to wander. I thought Jaden, dead, blood gushing from his chest staining the concrete floor. Those eyes, those cursed eyes!! They have been haunting my dreams, night and day, never letting me think strait!

I imagined Ellie in a similar way, back against the bakery's wall, red staining it's white paint. She looked at me. I looked at my hands. They do not look like hands. They look like claws. In them is a bloody dagger, stained with the souls of the innocent. Ellie mutters something. I kneel by her, trying to hear her, laying her in my arms. My black coat is drenched in an invisible red.

"Y-y-you... w-were never... m-meant for this..."

"No, save your breath! I'll find someone - an ambulance, doctor, someone!! You'll live, just hang on!!!"

"N-no... too late... just p-promise me this..."

"Yes, yes, anything!!"

She raises her hand, wiping the thick blood on everything as she touched my cheek. "N-no m-more... killing..." Her tiny hand fell, lifeless. Tears mixed into the dirty puddle below us.

"I'm sorry... so so so sorry..." I don't even know her, yet I'm crying like a dear friend of mine died.

Her wondrous eyes stare into nothingness. They will never sparkle again. A grayish color clouds over the blue and green ocean. These are worse than Jaden's eyes.

He died in horror

She died smiling.

I shake her one last time. Rain begins to fall. I wake up.

I rollover in bed. When did I go to sleep? It's almost 11:40. 20 minutes until the meeting. Wait... that was a dream... was the meeting also one?! I jump up and run to my coat which is hanging in the closest, not a single drop of blood in it. "Please, please, say it didn't happen!" I repeat over and over as I rip up the pockets, one at a time.

A napkin falls face down at my feet. I pray one last time, then pick it up.

That part was real.

I feel like crying. Why do I have to care so much? Why can't I have a cold heart like Gin or Vodka or Snake or EVERYONE ELSE?!?!?! I don't want these emotions!!! Why?!?!?!??!?!

I crumble up the napkin and throw it at the wall. "JUST GO AWAY!!!!!" It falls to the ground with a miserable plop. Not really sure what I was expecting... I fling myself onto the bed, sighing. I hate the world. I hate this world. I sigh. A big, long, depressing sigh. I look once more. 11:44. Better get going...

I change out of my pajamas into my black coat, attach the gun's silencer, and slip that with some chocolate cake leftovers into an inner pocket. I close and lock the apartment's door.

The first one is always the hardest, but you'll get over it.  

I hate to say it, but I hope he's right...