BIG HERO 6 CRACK

what even

[ We open in the city of San Fransokyo, which looks exactly like the city in Blade Runner, except with more sunlight and fewer homicidal Rutger Hauers. ]

Hiro Hamada: I'm a 14-year-old Asian wunderkind who makes money in back-alley fights involving remote-controlled robots. Also, I'm called "Hiro," partly because it's a particularly unsubtle hint at my role in this movie, but mostly because "Grant Imohara" was already taken.

Tadashi Hamada: Little brother, it's dangerous for you to be robo-hustling!

Hiro: What's the worst that can happen? This is a Disney movie: our parents are already dead.

Tadashi: Well, it's also a Marvel property, so, you know, "with great intelligence comes great responsibility" and so on. You should instead apply to attend San Fransokyo University with me, where we pioneer new forms of technology that will improve the quality of life for everyone!

Hiro: Boring.

Tadashi: Also lasers and explosives.

Hiro: Awesome!

[ They visit Tadashi's computer lab, where they meet his quirky science-nerd sidekicks. ]

Wasabi No-Ginger: Hello! I work with dangerous plasma blades, and I'm called "Wasabi." My personality quirk is obsessive-compulsive neatness, which I manifest by screaming at every obstacle we face and running away in terror.

Hiro: I'm not sure that's how OCD works-

Wasasbi: AHHHHHHHH! [ Runs away in terror. ]

Honey Lemon: OHAI LOL OMG! I'm called "Honey Lemon" and I work with dangerous chemical explosives. My personality quirk is that I will pronounce your name by excessively rolling the letter "R."

Hiro: Does that even count as a personality?

Honey: Absolutely, Hirrrrrrrrro.

GoGo Tomago: 'Sup. I'm called "Gogo Tomago." I work with dangerous high-speed mag-lev bikes. My personality quirk is general irritability.

Hiro: Why don't you have a food based name?

GoGo: Tamago is Japanese for egg, bitch. [ Walks off. ]

Fred: Yo dude, I'm not actually a student here, but as close to a drug-addled burnout as Disney felt comfortable including in this movie. Also, I like comics and shiny blinky things, duuuude.

Hiro: Why do they let you just just lounge around in the middle of a lab full of dangerous untested tech?

Fred: Because I helps keep the lab... well supplied.

Hiro: With electronics?

Fred [ Inside a haze of reefer ]: ...Yeah... electronics.

Tadashi: That's enough with the characters Disney can't market as plush toys. Let's meet the real star of the movie, my creation Baymax.

[ Tadashi presents a small red box. From it bursts forth a giant green dragon-looking thing with fangs, claws, and spikes. ]

Baymax: Hello. I am comic-book-Baymax, your sidekick. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the likelihood of manufacturing little cuddly plush versions of me?

Wasabi: AHHHHHHHH! [ Runs away in terror. ]

Baymax: Oh no. One moment please.

[ Baymax pops back into the box and re-emerges as an inflatable cross between the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and a T-800. ]

Baymax: Hello. I am Disney-Baymax, your comic relief. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the likelihood of manufacturing little cuddly plush versions of me?