Listen (Patrick Stump / Fall Out Boy Fanfic)

Chapter 19 - Blame Your Problems on the World

 It was two days before we made it to New York, and another few hours that day just getting into the city. Aria and I hadn't talked much, and when we did, we managed to choreograph an entire song and dance around the elephant in the room. They guys suspected nothing, at least, I didn't think they did, and we convinced them that our doctor's appointment later that afternoon was just going to be a dinner date. I'd never lied to my band about where I was going when we were in another city. It was a sort of unspoken rule between the four of us, that way whenever someone inevitably got lost in the unfamiliar streets, somebody always knew where to find them. Luckily, Aria and I knew where we were going.

She was dressed in a white tank-top and my red cardigan, with the sleeved pulled over her hands and balled into her fists. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, which I knew she hadn't had the energy to do anything with today, and her glasses were perched delicately on the bridge of her nose. She was looking over the tops of the rims at me at the moment, sitting on the bunk opposite ours as we awaited the stopping of the bus. Our hands were entangled between us, blocking the way through the narrow room if anybody happened to walk by. I noticed that her nails were painted and chipping, a dark, sticky red color that was a little too similar to that of blood. It was peeling away though, as it had been there a few days, which gave me a little bit of a relief. Maybe this appointment wouldn't be so bad.

I felt her squeeze my hands as the bus shuddered to a stop, the engines shutting down noisily. I looked up to meet her icy blue gaze, her eyes unblinking. Finally, I let go of her hands to sign to her. "No matter what," I promised, knowing that I didn't need to say anything else for her to understand what I meant. She nodded, suddenly getting to her feet and pulling my arms around her. She sat on my lap, straddling me in a way that would have seemed suggestive to anyone else, were it not for the way she shuddered as she pressed her face into my neck. I held her for a few minutes, grateful that no one bothered us while we prepared ourselves.

In a matter of minutes, however, we were walking down a street in New York, our hands held tightly between us, and Aria's eyes glued to the sidewalk. I stared blankly ahead, my eyes trained on the building we were heading towards, and before I knew it, we were sitting side by side in a waiting room. The entire room was white, almost too white, and the hard, plastic chairs we sat in only made the room seem colder than it actually was. Aria was still squeezing my hand. She hadn't even let go of it to sign in with the receptionist. I wanted to say something to her, anything, just to reassure her that it would be okay, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it because I was scared too; Scared and excited and hopeful all at once, because yes, I wanted her to have my children. Someday, though, not right this minute. I knew she wasn't ready and neither was I. Plus, we just started a tour and were hundreds of miles away from home.

"Aria Rose?" A nurse suddenly called from the doorway ahead of us. I snapped my head up as she pulled me from my thoughts, and I turned to Aria. She was still staring absently at the floor, her eyes distant and her face unsmiling. I gently nudged her with my elbow and tugged on her hand, pulling her up beside me as she looked up at the nurse. She swallowed hard and pushed me to walk in ahead of her, though she still held my hand tightly. I pulled her along, listening closely as the nurse began speaking, not realizing that her patient was completely deaf. You'd think they'd have seen that in her file or something when I'd asked her doctor at home to transfer her information to New York for us. I started to wonder if this was the right choice of doctor.

She led us into a room and immediately asked for Aria to strip down and change into a hospital gown. When the nurse left, I relayed her message to Aria, who was already looking up at me expectantly. "She wants you to change," I told her, holding up the neatly folded gown that was sitting on the table. She read my lips and nodded, beginning to pull her shirt over her head. She handed it to me and I set it on the char behind me. When she reached to unclasp her bra, I stopped her and shook my head. "That can stay," I said, "Just everything else." She nodded again, unbuttoning her pants.