I'm With the Band

Chapter Fifteen--Goodbye is the Hardest Part

"This is it, guys! I want you to go out there and leave everything you have on that stage," Jordy instructed with quiet fervor. I nodded with each statement, doing my best to keep the tears stinging the back of my eyes from spilling down my cheeks. She took a step back into the circle, stopping next to Jake, who beamed at her, and put her hand in the middle, signaling us to do the same. "Last show on three. One. Two. Three."

"LAST SHOW!" Everyone cheered before breaking into thunderous applause. There were only about fifteen people in the group—the band, dancers, Erika, Cleo and me—but I was pretty sure the restless crowd in the arena could hear us. Their muffled screams amped up the already buzzing backstage energy.

I glanced at Addie standing next to me, glad to see her eyes were just as shiny as mine. She, and rest of the tour, still had twenty shows in Australia, but there was a pulsing sadness mixed in with the pre-show energy. She smiled at me and I tried to return it without crying. The pit in my stomach had grown all day as I made final touches to the Truth Locker, not wanting to think about how it was the last time I would ever set up the room. Addie half laughed and pulled me into a tight hug.

I watched over her shoulder as Matt joked with Chris and Carlos as they followed the others toward the stage. He walked past me without a hint of acknowledgement. I swallowed to numb the stabbing in my heart, squeezing Addie just a little tighter. Being ignored hurt worse than I expected. I didn't want things to go back to how they had been, not when I knew his true motives, but his silence was like a knife.

"See you after the show?" Addie asked, squeezing my upper arms when she pulled away.

I nodded, doing my best to look happy. I didn't want to start crying before the show even started. "'ll meet you by the M&G room and we can ride over to Jordy's together."

"Is Brittney still here?"

"Yeah, she's talking to Cleo, but I think she's going to hang out in the pit with Erika and me," I replied.

"Good!" The concern in her eyes lifted for half a second.

"You ready to go?" Erika wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me to her side as she and Brittney joined us.

I waved to Addie, glad Erika was there to distract me. She led us around the arena to the floor entrance so we could get in the pit. "Thanks for coming with me."

She nodded with a laugh. "Of course! I think I may have even convinced Cleo to come too. I don't think she's watched a single show this entire tour."

"Has she been at the foreign shows, too?" We flashed our backstage passes at the security guy guarding the gate into the pit, grinning as he stepped aside without a word.

"Yeah, she goes everywhere with Jordy."

"How are you holding up?" Brittney asked as we pushed our way closer to the stage.

I shrugged, unsure how I felt. "I'm okay right now. Give me a few minutes, that could change."

They laughed and Erika pulled me into another one-armed hug. "I really wish you were coming to Australia with us."

I shrugged. "It's okay."

I shoved my hands into my pockets as the house lights dimmed and the stage lights lit up in the red, orange and yellow combination the lighting tech spent forever programing. The energy in the pit surprised me. I hadn't watched the full show since the first week. Showtime was great for working on my reports for Brittney so I could go play when the others wanted. Once meet and greets were done and cleaned up, I was pretty much free to do whatever I wanted, including work.