spaces

and i don't know why

hajime doesn't have an idea how tooru managed to survive years without speaking a word to him.

he finds himself waiting for a call or text message sometimes, only to be greeted by disappointment.

he ignored tooru during their first months in college, just to test if he himself can survive without the setter.

his wedding was stressing him out. all the planning and shit that he doesn't really find interesting.

she wanted to get married as soon as possible, she says. he didn't know how to respond.

now he's getting married.

"sweetie, are you okay?"

his girl enters the room, speaking in a hushed tone.

"i'm okay. just thinking about things."

she lies down on his bed, breathing in the scent of the sheets.

it's going to be their bed soon.

"i know you don't... love me the way i love you, hajime-kun."

"it's not like that, dear. no. it's not."

"shhh, you're ruining the moment." she shoots back, closing her eyes. "if you're doing this just because of my illness, i'll never forgive you."

hajime looks away from her.

"you said you wanted a happily-ever-after. i'm about to give it to you."

"what if i don't want a happy ever after? what if i want to be someone's present?"

"why are you saying this?"

she opens her eyes, chuckling a bit. "i know who you actually love."

"i don't even know about it myself. how do you know?"

"i've seen him only once, but i know. i know he's the one you love. i just know."

"him?" he asks. "don't you mean, 'her'?"

"have you never doubted your sexuality, hajime? i can see it. you swing both ways." she sighs.

he raises his brows. "anyway, who are you talking about?"

"that childhood friend of yours. oikawa? oikawa-san. you love him too much."

"what?"

"what are you saying, you don't know?"

"i didn't know until at least thirty seconds ago."

"well, now you know. cancel the wedding, hajime-kun. it's okay by me. if it makes you happy, well, it makes me happy."

"are you sure?"

"yes. i'm sure i'll find a nice man, just like you. maybe even better."

"i do hope you find a way better man than me. i can't even love you with all my heart. i'm sorry, love. i'm really sorry."

"shhh, ruining the moment again, are you? you'll never stop being a jerk."

she has leukemia.

but she still smiles.

hajime hugs her.

she cries on his shoulder.