Sad Max

('･Д･)」

Max was broken.

I finally became tired after the endless older JonTron videos I had decided to spam watch and I attempted to get some sleep, but my anxiety became suddenly worse because of the darkness of the room, and the unsettling sounds from outside my window. I became determined to sleep because of the late time and the early work hours for the following morning, but my anxiety prevented me from doing so.

My thoughts, which I had resisted for so long, came crashing down on me. In a frustrated rage, I typed my thoughts down onto my phone.

TimTim broke me.

I hate that I can't understand what's going on in people's heads. I don't even know what's going on in mine. I just want to stop feeling this pain.
After the incident we texted and he blocked me when I was going to say something and it hurts because I'm trying to be so positive but he says my words make him suicidal.
Can I just be sad sometimes?
I got upset over what he said and now he's blaming me for all his emotions and I don't understand and it hurts, it really hurts because he's meant to be my best friend.

None of my friends like me when I'm sad and I try so hard to be perfectly happy for them but they don't see it and they ignore me when I'm sad and I just want to stop feeling altogether because I don't understand myself other than whatever I'm feeling now hurts and I want it gone.

I thought I was getting stronger, but I'm still broken. I'm still cracked into tiny shards of glass. I'm still crying myself to sleep.

And now I realise this isn't a diary anymore. It's a book.

(Edit - Sorry if this confused you! This Wattpad book is written as a diary that Max is writing. He has just realised that due to the feel of the diary and the way that he's writing it that his diary is more like an autobiography.)